About three weeks ago my heart sank as I received a call from my daughter Hannah's neurologist informing me that the one hour EEG results had come back showing no disturbances in brainwave patterns but also with some indicators that the testing was likely faulty. In other words, inconclusive. Our next step? A 24 hour overnight EEG. I got off the phone with incredibly conflicting emotions. For starters, we had always been told there was a possibility that Hannah's EEG would normalize once puberty hit. This would be a good thing. We were also told whatever damage was done through the years would be permanent. I had always envisioned us just knowing the change had occurred as she would be able to speak. So now, confronted with the possibility the disturbances had stopped and seeing no real change in her, I began to worry.
The next few days involved a great deal of conversation with the Lord as my mind went back and forth between hoping the EEG would show normal brainwave function and dreading learning it had, and the permanent damage was this severe. How was all this going to turn out? What change in treatment would this mean for Hannah? How could any real good come from either outcome? (You know the devil can sure drive us crazy with all the questions, can't he?)
Finally, I cried out to God. "Lord, I know You haven't forgotten Your promise to Hannah because I haven't forgotten it either." (For those of you not familiar with our story, when my daughter was first diagnosed back in 2003 the Holy Spirit revealed and confirmed to me, "It's going to be okay. I'm going to use Hannah to touch people's lives.") Suddenly the words concerning Abraham came to mind; words embraced after reflecting upon human limitations in the face of God's promise. "No unbelief or distrust made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong and was empowered by faith as he gave praise and glory to God, fully satisfied and assured that God was able and mighty to keep His word and to do what He had promised," (Rom. 4:20-21)
The next few days passed. Worry ceased. Peace remained ... even in the face of "what if" questions from others and encouraging remarks of "name it and claim it." Those words from Romans had planted a deep inner peace undefined and undetermined by circumstances. My soul had found rest in the ultimate truth that God can and will work in this situation regardless of anything ... an irregular or regular EEG, med changes, test results labelled "good" or "bad" by man. To think otherwise is to put God in a box. It is to believe God can only work in a way that makes sense to my human mind. The Bible is full of stories of how God worked in mind blowing ways, and I want to trust Him for a 21st Century, divinely mind blowing experience too! The irony is Hannah's medical care may be contingent upon the findings of this test, but God's promise is not!
The morning of Hannah's EEG two scriptures crossed my path completely and divinely by chance, and they spoke volumes to me. The first, "The Lord will fulfill His promise." (Ps. 138:8) The second, "You do not realize now what I'm doing, but later you will understand." (John 13:7) I left the house that morning in awe as these seemingly random scriptures, together, confirmed all that was in my heart. No, I don't understand how or what God is doing, but the faithfulness of God to deliver on His promise has nothing to do with my understanding. I can trust Him with what I don't get, and my friend, so can you, because the truth is we don't need answers. We just need Him. We don't trust the plan because we know the plan. We trust the plan because we know the Planner!
Fast forward to about 2:30 that afternoon. I'm sitting beside Hannah's bed at St. Joseph's Children's Hospital when my ever faithful, above and beyond, loving Heavenly Father divinely appoints THIS day for me to read Day 44 of my prayer devotional "Whispers of Hope" by Beth Moore. Here it is in its entirety with full credit given to the Holy Ghost's teaching and Beth Moore's writing ...
Day 44
(Scripture reading: Deut. 29:29-30:4)
"Beloved, as you hold your Bible in your hands, you hold "the things revealed." You possess all the information you can handle, right in front of you, from the omniscient mind of God. But He has so much more, so much we do not know, secret things known only to the Creator of the universe.
Secrets make us uncomfortable, don't they? Especially if we're not in on them. It could be enough to drive a person crazy unless the secret keeper is someone we trust. Yes, God is keeping secrets, but we can find great comfort in at least three assurances.
*The secret things of God cannot be contrary to His character. His secrets are just like He is: merciful, loving, just, righteous, wonderful, and good. In His fairness, God made His requirements and judgments known; therefore, the secret things are glorious things. We need not fear His unknowns. God does not have a dark side for "God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all." (1 John 1:5) Can you think of a time when you thought God was unjust? Do you view the situation differently now? How has the passage of time changed your perspective?
*The secret things are too much for us. If He withholds information from us, it is because we cannot comprehend the information in our present form. Christ knew all things that were to come upon Him; He knew the secret things. Yes, He could see the suffering in advance, but He also could envision the ultimate glory. So "for the joy set before Him" He endured (Heb 12:2). Knowing our plans in advance would be too much for us. Our human vision is so desperately nearsighted, we would never be able to see the glory for the pain. Have you been through an experience you thought you could never endure? Did walking through the valley increase or decrease your faith? Can you think of any reasons why God chose not to show you in advance what you were about to experience?
*The secret things are a surprise. One day we will "know fully"even as we are "fully known." (1 Cor. 13:12) We have the ultimate surprise party coming, and God isn't about to give it away. Until then He grants an occasional hint - like the sight of a majestic mountain that suggests, "If this is earth, what indeed must heaven be like?"
We don't need to feel spiritually immature because of how little we understand. We can be encouraged by knowing that anything beyond us falls in the category of glorious and wonderful. Until God shares His secrets, we hold enough in our hands to keep us challenged - we hold God's Word.
Our Savior is the Keeper of all knowledge - the Omniscient One. Whatever is beyond the pages of scripture, beloved, is simply too wonderful for us to know."
Awesome, huh? As I sat in that hospital room, tears streaming down my face, I sensed the presence of God so strong I felt like I was floating. What an incredible moment between man and his Maker when He meets you right where you are - wherever you are. So much of Hannah has been a mystery ... likes, dislikes, deep desires, emotions, wants, needs. But in that moment another truth was planted in my heart. If indeed the secret things belong to the Lord, then I know my Hannah does too.
And, my friend, your secret things belong to Him also.
