"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." - Romans 8:28
Have you ever been there? You know, where what you've always believed of God is not lining up with what you are experiencing of God? I think every believer can pinpoint a moment where their faith has been tested and refined. And gosh, is it hard?! An unfaithful spouse, a wayward child, a bankruptcy or foreclosure, some sort of abuse, a diagnosis, an untimely death of a loved one. When things like these hit our lives we better believe Satan would like nothing more than to allow it to pull us away from God. To be angry with God. To decide God is not trustworthy. And if all those things go unchecked, eventually for us to denounce God. Make no mistake, friend. Satan's goal is to steal, kill, and destroy just as John 10:10 says. He will steal that precious thing from you. He will try to use it to kill your relationship with God as you mull over all your questions about why God allowed it and why He didn't stop it. And He will wait for you to decide to walk away from God over it, destroying the promise of heaven for you - an eternal damnation of your soul. Satan is cunning, He is patient, and He is a complete deceiver, manipulator, and liar. (John 8:44). It's who he is. It's how he works.
So how do we stop this from happening? First, recognize seasons when you are "at risk." Have you recently experienced a tragedy, a loss, a disappointment. Something that keeps coming up in you? Something you can't quite shake? Something that's causing you to become angry, bitter, to question God about? Even more dangerous signs are you've stopped praying, reading your Bible, going to church. Maybe you can't even listen to a pastor or praise and worship music anymore because you are so upset that the words are not lining up with what you are experiencing about God? Maybe you've even isolated yourself? Recognize you are at risk and acknowledge it to God.
Second, grieve. Grieve the loss of that thing. Allow yourself to genuinely mourn the person, the relationship, the life you thought you would have. Be real with yourself and take your real feelings to God. Friend, He already knows everything you are thinking and feeling. (Ps. 94:11). He is big enough to handle your feelings and your questions. Go to Him with them. DO NOT allow them to take you away from Him. The Biblical accounts of Jacob (Genesis 32) and Job are two wonderful examples of wrestling with God, of getting real with Him. You'll notice God doesn't shy away. He doesn't sugarcoat their experience. He stays right there with them, and makes Himself known. Not answers always known. Always Himself known.
I realize where you sit right now that may seem like little to no consolation, but can I tell you something, promise you something, God is really all you need. Outside of experiencing this for yourself, I know it sounds like some spiritual platitude, but hear me out. God's assurance in an uncertain situation is really what you need. God's forgiveness, mercy, and grace in the things you get wrong is really what you need. God's faithfulness in the midst of devastation is really what you need. God's presence in the fire of troubles or pit of hopelessness is really what you need. God's peace that passes all understanding when you can't make heads or tails out of life is really what you need. The hope that only God's promises bring is really what you need. His deep and abiding love which nothing can separate you from is really what you need. You really need what only He can give you!
The very best way to get to know Him and rehearse who He is in preparation for or in the midst of difficult times is to read His Word. In dark times we are tempted to define God by our feelings, by our pain, by our experiences. Don't do it! It's a trap of the enemy. That is the time to take every thought captive just as 2 Corinthians 10:5 instructs. But how can you take every thought captive if you don't KNOW the truth of God's Word? Get in your Bible and allow it to define who God is.
Well, at this point you might have guessed that I too have experienced a crisis of faith. If you're new to this blog, my crisis of faith happened back in 2003 when my now 20 year old daughter was diagnosed with Autism. I spent about 2 years of my life experiencing many of the things I listed above. I was so depressed. So much so that I look back now and it's all a blur. I honestly don't really know how I made it through other than God's faithfulness. (Totally ironic, huh?) I remember feeling like everything I ever thought I knew about God was being stripped away, and my only vivid memory was the day I came face to face with wondering if I could even count on salvation being real! Yes, it got that bad. As I sat in a crumpled heap in the middle of my daughter's bedroom floor the cross came to my mind. Good Friday. The willingness of Jesus to give His life in such a horrific way. The love of a Savior, MY Savior, that held Him there enduring hours of an excruciating death. The best way I know to describe the experience I had in that moment is the song lyrics by Chris Tomlin, "And if I never, never lose sight of this place. I will never, never lose sight of Your grace. Your cross is all, All I need to see. Oh, praise the God of Calvary."
This year, today in fact, Good Friday just happens to coincide with the day the world observes Autism Awareness. Oh my! Oh goodness! I love that the thing that caused a crisis of faith for me is falling on the day that solidified my faith. I love that they are meeting face to face again. I love that undoubtedly and undeniably my faith, because it was tested, is so much stronger. That it easily wins out in expectant anticipation of all God has promised because of all Jesus did. I love that I know that one day very soon, whether this life or the next and for all eternity, the knee of Autism will bow to the name of Jesus, the Name above all other names! (Phil. 2:10). I love that I know this victory in Jesus is mine, is my daughter's, and now my son's who was also diagnosed with Autism in 2012. And I think God loves that I can rejoice in it NOW. I think God looks down and says, "That's my girl, my daughter." Oh, how we make our Father proud and honor Him when we trust completely with blind faith even when we don't have all the answers or the time table. (Heb. 11:6). And oh, how utterly confounded and defeated our enemy is when he sees his demonic schemes have not worked and that we are actually bringing more glory to God than if he would have never messed with us to begin with! (Phil 1:28) Don't you love that? I do!
On this Good Friday can I tell you too that it both humbles and comforts me that I can identify with Jesus' disciples that also experienced a crisis of faith all those years ago. Jesus warned them the night before that they would all fall away, and they all vehemently denied such a thing would happen. I'm sure they too felt that what they thought they knew about Jesus was not lining up with what was happening. God already knows the things that will happen in our life that will cause a crisis of faith for us. He knows that Satan intends to sift us like grain, but He also intercedes on our behalf that our faith not fail and that "when you yourself have turned again, strengthen and establish your brethren." (Luke 22:31-32). These Biblical accounts of those who came before us should serve to prepare us that we too are likely to face situations that God intends to use in a similar way. The purifying of our faith is never all about us. God has a bigger picture in mind! Turn again and strengthen and establish your brothers and sisters in their spiritual walks.
You know, I heard a pastor say once that Christians don't get different life experiences than everyone else; they get the same life experiences but walk them out differently. That's what should set us apart from the world - how we allow God to help us handle what we are given. Believe me, when others watch you walk out the same stuff they are going through but with peace, hope, contentment, and even joy they want to know what's different about you - what you have that they don't have. God gets glory in that, and our lives become a living sacrifice when they do that.
So, what's your crisis of faith? Friend, stop beating yourself up over what you cannot do for yourself, and take it to the foot of the cross. Surrender it to Him along with all your feelings about it, rest in all He's already done for you, and know He's not done working in that situation. (Phil. 1:6). Know that as surely as His Sunday came, your Sunday is coming too! God wants to use your experience. He wants to use you. There is a lost, hurting, fearful, and dying world out there, and Jesus doesn't just have what they need - He IS what they need! Will you allow Him to work this thing for your good? Will you be a willing vessel for His glory? Will you surrender your will for His Kingdom plans and purposes? You can trust Him with all of it. You're His child. He loves you!
Need proof?
Look no further than the cross of Calvary.
*God of Calvary by Chris Tomlin, 2016
