My mother was a remarkable woman. As I think about her most defining qualities, loving and nurturing stand out. Mom was a born nurturer and possessed the gift of discernment that is so needed to effectively nurture, and she excelled at anything remotely related to it. The obvious being her children. Mom loved children and actually preferred their company over adults. She could read a child like a book and always seemed to know what they needed. She knew if we needed a hug, a word of encouragement, a scolding, or a swat (or several swats) on our backside. And she spared nothing she truly knew we needed. I can hear her saying “I wouldn’t be doing my job as your mother if I let you get away with that.”
Her homemaking abilities were an extension of this gift of nurturing. Cleanliness, organization, home-cooked meals, and wholesome entertainment were all ways she provided an ample environment for her children to grow. My mother’s home was always neat, tidy, and meticulously clean. As us girls grew we all had our Saturday morning job that we did while listening to Christian music play from dad’s old turntable. All of us girls remember her saying, “Cleanliness is next to godliness.” (In case you’re curious, that scripture can be found in the Book of Marilyn.)
Another example of mom’s gift of nurturing was her garden.
Mom had the most beautiful flowers, and just like with her children she always
knew what they needed! She could grow anything and bring anything back from the
brink of death. She watered, weeded, pruned, and even talked to her flowers.
She always said they were like little faces looking up at her, thanking her for
a drink. Hannah and Gabe love their classic Disney movies, and every time they
watch the flowers in
You know, the Bible says “out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” so I thought it might be insightful to share some “Marilynisms” with you. (Grand kids, pay close attention. You may hear your mom in some of these.)
-“You can do it. You come from good stock.”
-(When breaking up a sibling spat) “One day your sister will be your best friend.”
-(Before a spanking) “This hurts me more than it hurts you.”
-(Usually in reference to cleaning) “If you’re not gonna do it right, then don’t do it at all.” Apparently this was a figure of speech and not an actual choice. Ask me how I know!
-That must have been when she closed the loop hole with, “Anything worth doing is worth doing right, the first time.
-(On marriage and family) “The man is the head of the home, but the woman is the heart.”
-(On raising children) “Your children are a reflection of you.” (She also would say) “Children feed off of you. If you’re ok, they’ll be ok.”
-(When encouraging us you would hear any one of these) “It will all come together. It will all work out. This too shall pass.”
-These next 2 aren’t quotes but were just so much a part of who my mom was and how she functioned that I have to share them. My mother could tolerate just about anything from us girls, but the one thing she did not tolerate was disrespect. Especially a lippy mouth! It was her trigger. Like, if you ever wanted to see someone go from Mary Poppins to the Incredible Hulk in 2.7 seconds, go there!
-My mother could give directions like no other person I’ve ever known. Let me see if I can come up with an example that does it justice … Ok, so you get out on the main drag and go down quite a ways. Then turn right at the yellow building that’s just passed the large oak tree; oh, and that cute little nursery with the pretty bugenvilija growing out front. But if you pass the flag pole you’ve gone too far.
-Mom was notorious for her ESP hindsight remarks too, and they always started with, “I just knew …”
-Along the same vain was “I wasn’t gonna say anything, but …” proceeded by exactly what she wasn’t going to say.
-When mom was going through breast cancer treatment and we talked about outcomes, I remember her saying, “Either way, I win.”
-On her birthday January of 2020, when I asked her if she wanted to have another birthday or just go home to be with Jesus she said, “I want whatever the Lord wants.” My mom didn’t just have faith; she had surrendered faith. A faith that knows God is a God of the miraculous as nothing is impossible for Him coupled with knowing God is a God of the mysterious as His thoughts and ways are higher than ours.
-This last one was something she said often to help redirect our focus in times of trouble. As an adult, she also wrote it as a reminder in every birthday card I ever got from her; “Keep your eyes on Jesus.”
And it’s this “Marilynism” that I believe really defined my mom’s life. You see, mom did not live an easy life. She had more than her fair share of traumatic events and many heartbreaks. As a child it was easy to take my mom’s resilience for granted, but as an adult this is the quality I admire most about her. She was steadfast, long-suffering, and had the patience of a saint; in a word – persevering. Looking back on my mom’s life; how does one face so many challenges and difficulties with such calm and ease? How does one choose to repeatedly forgive and offer another chance with such grace and dignity? How does one do all those things and still do all the other things she did? And as I ponder this I believe the truth is found in those 5 little words that became her motto … Keep Your Eyes on Jesus. Simply put, mom’s life path had made her an expert on abiding.
You know, God reveals Himself in His creation, and whether consciously or subconsciously, I believe mom found peace and tranquility in her garden because it illustrated Biblical truth to her. As she pruned plants, her soul identified with Jesus as the vine, her as the branch, and God as the Master Gardener of it all. Pruning requires skill. Cutting off something that’s dead is beginner level gardening. But trimming away what’s healthy and producing so it will produce more? That’s master level gardening. I can imagine momma both lovingly and skillfully trimming a plant. I can even hear her say, “This hurts me more than it hurts you, but you wait and see you’ll be even more beautiful because of it.” I wonder if the Lord ever whispered those words back to her soul as He trimmed things from her life. I’ve experienced it too many times in my own personal walk to think for 2 seconds that He didn’t. And I think it was what gave her peace, strength, and the ability to trust.
As I went back over what I wrote for dad’s service almost 9 years ago in preparation to write this, I found a common theme. Grace. It is certainly not lost on me that if indeed dad was the recipient of such lavish grace, it was only the grace of God that allowed mom to pour it out to him. And this is the result of one who lives a life with their eyes on Jesus. This is the display of one who has submitted to God’s ways over their own; who has chosen to abide in Him and knows from start to finish their faith is only a result of Christ within them and nothing they can take credit for themselves. It is a humility that deeply grasps “but for the grace of God, there go I” another saying of mom’s. One who lives their life with their eyes on Jesus realizes they are not the source but a vessel. And oh what freedom is found there because it’s only in that knowledge that the striving ceases and we enter God’s rest.
Everything mom needed to live her life the Lord poured out on her as she looked to Him, abiding in Him knowing apart from God she could do nothing, but in Him, she could do anything she was called to do.
What a life! What a journey! What a spiritual marathon! What an example she set, and what a legacy she leaves for us. Lord, thank you for the gift of my mother. I could not have chosen a better one. And mom, goodness how I love you and already miss you, but I know there’s a part of you that will always be with me until we are together again.
