An Above and Beyond Kind of God

A few months ago my little guy Gabe came to me with a broken toy.  He is non-verbal Autistic so communication can be a real challenge for him.  He set the toy in my lap and pressed the button that should've activated the toy to demonstrate it wasn't working.  Reassuring him with a, "Mommy will fix it," I sat down with a screw driver and some new batteries.  However, as I began to unscrew the back of the toy ... removing screws, taking the back panel off, pulling out dead batteries ... Gabe began to completely flip!  He fell to the floor screaming and crying.  He then attempted to take the toy back. Finally in a last ditch panic effort to communicate he flipped the toy back over, pressing the "go" button again as if to say, "What are you doing!  Just fix this!  This is all that's broken!"  I continued to reassure him saying "It's okay.  I'm fixing it."  Although from his perspective I could clearly see how he thought I was making things worse, not better.  After all the toy not only still didn't work ... it was now in pieces!

That was when I heard a still small voice say "This is exactly what my people do.  They come to me with what's broken and don't trust that I know how to fix it."  Tears welled up in my eyes as through my child I saw myself.  I saw a young woman who took her broken dreams for herself, her daughter, and her family to the Lord to fix.  I saw my anger and frustration with God when He didn't do things in the way and timing I thought He should.  I saw myself take the situation back into my own hands as I walked away from God.  I saw a battered and beaten woman return to God, broken item still in tow.  I saw a God that brought yet another disabled child into our lives.  I saw a God that began by dismantling me.  I saw a God that dared to challenge my perspective, thoughts, and attitudes.  A God that began to take me back through His Word to reveal deeper truths.  A God that began to challenge other areas of my life as well ... finances, marriage, etc. 

These things all flashed before my eyes as the words of Isaiah 55:8 came to mind "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are My ways your ways."  You know why God allows broken things?  Because He knows that is what will bring us to Him.  He knows we will come to seek His hand and that from there He can show us His face.  And although He cares about that broken thing that we care about, He also knows that the thing that needs fixing most is us.  As I look back at nearly 13 years of my "mom of special needs children" walk I can see the changes He's made in me, my husband, and our family. Not to say there aren't things that I see that still need to change.  But in spite of the pain and the brokenness, I am grateful.

Truthfully I've come to realize that because God is an "above and beyond" kind of God He is ALWAYS after the greatest good for us and the most glory for Him (Eph 3:20).  When we bring that one broken thing to God, we are inviting Him in to invade every area of our lives.  God gradually begins to pull things apart so that He can fix, heal, and deliver us from things we in our humanness don't even realize we need fixed, healed, and delivered from.  And because of this, we always end up far better off than the way we started.  Which brings me back to Gabe ...

As I finished fixing his toy I noticed a separate battery compartment.  I quickly changed out the batteries in it too.  When I handed the toy back to Gabe and watched him hit the "go" button, to both our surprise it not only lit up and made sounds as it always had before.  It also began to rumble, vibrate, and shake!  I watched as he happily walked away to play with his "once broken but now fixed above and beyond his wildest imagination" toy.  If I can do that for my child, how much more does God want to do that for me? (Matt. 7:11)

Don't lose heart, friend.  Our "above and beyond" God is forever on the throne, and "eye has not seen and ear has not heard all that God has prepared for those who love Him." (1 Cor. 2:9)

Positioned for Greatness

God is preparing you for what He has prepared for you.  This is what the Spirit has been telling me all summer long.  In every situation we face, God is always preparing us for the next thing.  He knows where we are headed and what He wants to do, so He prepares us and positions us for greatness.  We don't have a hard time wrapping our minds around this when the preparing and positioning is fun, easy, painless, and understandable.  However we have a really hard time when it involves problems, pain, perseverance, and a lot of questions.

Those of you who are my Facebook friends know last year was incredibly tough for my sweet daughter Hannah.  She had a difficult time transitioning to middle school ... a longer day, no play ground, and all the changes that come with puberty.  There were also some real issues with her teachers who were lovely, well meaning people but were not equipped to deal with some of Hannah's behaviors.  (For those of you who do not know, my daughter was diagnosed with Autism just before turning 3 and is non-verbal). 

So after a long first semester of Hannah hitting, kicking, and biting people and having to be restrained on numerous occasions, a behavioral coach was finally assigned to her.  We all took part in creating a FBA (Functional Behavioral Assessment) and designed a game plan to move forward.  Things began to calm and I was starting to feel good about it when I got a phone call from her teacher informing me that the ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) classroom Hannah was in would be relocated to a different school next year. 

Upset does not even begin to express my feelings of frustration.  To think of everything the teachers, myself, and especially Hannah had been through to get to a better place and now to know everything would be uprooted and changed ... a new school, new teacher, new bus driver, new classmates.  New is not usually a good thing in the world of Autism.  Old, patterned, predictable, reliable is what makes their world go round.  Understand too that this was not the first time the county had changed schools on us, and I was feeling incredibly irritated by all these "professionals."  So I decided right then and there I was going to look into other options (i.e. private school).  I still didn't have peace though. Peace about leaving her in public school, pulling her out, or anything.  Just frustration. 

One day as the rant directed at the school system played in my head, the Holy Spirit said "If you make a decision because your panties are in a twist, you can be certain your decision is of the flesh and not the Spirit because, let's face it, your Spirit doesn't have a butt crack."  (I know some of you may be thinking the Holy Spirit would never speak of such things, but I'm telling you He did.)  It was just the message I needed and funny too!  I laughed and laughed all day about it, and then prayed this prayer ...
           
        "Lord I don't know where Hannah should go to school next year, but You do.  You
          know exactly where she needs to be.  So Lord I ask You to give me wisdom. Open
          the doors where You want her to go and close them where You don't want her to go.
          Lord, I pray you make it painfully obvious to me what I'm supposed to do.  You see
          my plate is full.  I don't have the time or energy to ponder this.  Show me."

A lengthy search ensued including a meet and greet at the public school the ASD unit would be moved to the following year.  It's funny, I really didn't pray that much about it.  I was quite confident in the prayer I had already prayed, but the morning I got in the car to go tour the private school I had decided was a good fit, I found a Praying Mantis on the steering wheel of my car.  After managing to get him out, I prayed ... because really, what are the chances of that!  The problem was I read into that Praying Mantis too much.  Yes, I prayed, but I prayed believing this was where Hannah was supposed to be.  It wasn't!

About a week later the door that seemed open was suddenly and shockingly slammed shut.  The whole thing was done very unprofessionally, and I found myself dealing with negative feelings of being offended until I realized ... my prayer had been answered!  Man didn't shut that door.  God shut that door.  And just as I had requested, He made it painfully and unmistakeably obvious.  How could I be offended about an answered prayer?!  God also helped me to realize that prayer is important for two reasons ... it either leads to complete joy if we get what we ask for or deep peace if we do not.  I cannot begin to describe the peace that I felt in that moment.  I stayed open to other possibilities but basically knew Hannah would stay in public school.  A few months later I learned of the teacher who was hired from people I highly trusted, and I knew the search was over.

Ironically I was going to blog about this yesterday and didn't, and at 3:30 I received a call from Hannah's school that she had hit a student over the head and bit her teacher.  My heart sank.  It's the 3rd day of school and here we go again.  I was beside myself and happy I hadn't made a fool of myself blogging about my answer to prayer.  Ha!  What a joke, right?

WRONG!  God is always preparing us for what He has prepared for us.  God is always positioning us for greatness.  It's so easy to think "If this is greatness, somebody goofed."   But the greatest victory this world has ever known didn't look good either.  Jesus Christ suffering.  His blood being poured out as He died on the cross.  Conquering sin and death.  Raised from the dead.  Ascending to heaven.  Seated at the right hand of the Father.  Given the Name above ALL names.  Who would've thought something as horrendous as the CROSS would have positioned Him for such greatness?  Satan didn't.  The Bible tells us that he NEVER would have crucified the Son of God had he known the consequences.  Let us not be conformed to the world's way of thinking about what is good and what is bad.  We have been given the mind of Christ and the Holy Spirit to help us understand that when God is in it, what seems bad actually positions us for greatness.  In fact we are already positioned for greatness because we are seated with Christ!  Will we let Christ be our example of how to carry our cross?  Will we trust the Author and Finisher of our faith to see us through?  Are we anchored to the truth that Christ's obedience to the cross was the path to victory, and that because of Jesus our obedience to our cross will also lead to victory? 

So this morning I praise the Lord for the overwhelming peace I have of knowing that He was the one to direct us to this school.  He has Hannah right where He wants her.  He has prepared this school with the right personnel and resources to help Hannah.  I might have been surprised that she behaved so badly on her 3rd day of school, but God is never surprised.  He knew this is where we would be, where Hannah would get the help she needs, and that she will go on to have a successful school year.

I feel truly blessed by a faithful and loving God that has entrusted such a treasure to me.  Not because He thought I could handle it, but because He wanted to use this situation to draw me closer to Him ... to foster an incredibly intimate relationship with Him.  Today is Hannah's 14th birthday, and the Lord has reminded me of a prayer I prayed while I was pregnant with her that she would be truly special.  He has answered that prayer and continues to answer it.  He is positioning her for greatness, preparing her for all He has prepared for her, and touching the lives of those around her for His glory.  I am beyond blessed to be her mother.  Happy Birthday my sweet Hannah!  I love you!

Stay in the Game!

About 5 years ago we were at my sister's house playing Uno Attack.  It's an unpredictable card game mainly due to this machine that you have to push if you can't play.  The machine will either do nothing or spit a mountain of cards at you.  Anyway, we were playing this game and my son Jacob who at the time would've been about 9, was just getting hammered.  I mean either someone was skipping him, playing a reverse, making him "draw two" which means hitting that crazy machine twice, or he just couldn't play anything ... also meaning he'd have to hit the machine.  As the game went on every one's hand of cards grew smaller, but not Jacob's.  His grew larger and larger until his little hands could barely hold what literally looked like half the deck. 

Now as his mother (and knowing what a horrible sport I was at his age), I started to get concerned. I kept waiting for a flood of tears or an abrupt "I quit!" accompanied by Uno Attack cards flying through the air.  I waited, but it never came.  Finally at the point where he needed help holding his cards, I saw a tear ... and, surprising all of us, a laugh.  A laugh that started small and gradually grew until it became contagious, and everyone else at the table was laughing too.  I'll never forget how proud of my son I was in that moment.  Not only did he display a persevering spirit, he chose to laugh about the challenge he was facing.

You know, life can be a lot like Uno Attack.  We all get dealt our hand and start to play.  But at some point we can feel like circumstances are ganging up on us.  Sometimes we feel there is no good card to play.  Sometimes we are stuck with nothing to play.  Everyone else is playing their hand and moving on, and we are stuck.  We aren't moving at a snails pace.  We have come to a screeching halt, and sometimes even feel like we are going backward.  It is a very frustrating feeling that I'm certain most people experience.

When I look back over my life I see a few very pivotal moments where the cards I had didn't look like a winning hand ... times when I wished I could have called a do over.  You know, press rewind and play the cards differently.  The funny thing is in each of these circumstances God clearly knew what needed to be done to gain victory, and He knew full well if left to my own devices I would choose to do something different.

The first example would be when my husband and I decided to move to Florida.  Testing the spiritual waters, we put our house on the market.  We certainly felt God opening the door as we had a buyer within the week.  We then moved forward with an offer on a home in Florida, as well as my husband putting in his two week notice at his job.  A week later our realtor called to inform us that the sale of our home had fallen through because the buyer couldn't secure financing.  This of course caused our purchase of the home in Florida to fall through.  My husband left the following week to start his new job in Florida while I stayed in Tennessee with our one and two year old children to sell the house.
To make a long story short, we ended up finding a brand new community in Florida and decided to build there.  This community ended up being a great place for my husband to start a business, which he did 5 years later.  The home we almost bought had a pool and was 4 doors down from a busy intersection.  Two years later we would learn of our daughter's diagnosis of Autism.  God was looking out for us concerning issues we had no idea were heading our way.

The next example would be when we found out our daughter would be placed at a new school.  This school offered the same special program but was closer to our home ... sounds like a good fit.  Then we found out the teacher of the class was married to someone in which my husband had some unfinished business with.  The two were not on good terms with each other.  Certain this would make for a strained, uncomfortable, and potentially explosive situation, I tried EVERYTHING within my power to get her switched back to her old school, and found out the only way it was even a remote possibility was if I transported her to and from school everyday.  Well, it just so happened that my car had died a few months prior.  We were stuck and had no choice but to have her attend the new school. 
Wow!  The next 3 years at this school with this teacher would end up being the best by far in all our daughter's educational experience.  These years brought about a calmer, more compliant child.  She began to use pictures to communicate and graduated on to more complex augmented communication devices in which she currently uses a program called TouchChat on her iPad.  The Lord knew this person would be the best teacher for Hannah and that we would've missed it due to avoiding conflict ... conflict that never even happened because this person was completely unaware of the problem.  However, because we had developed such a wonderful relationship, when she did find out about the situation she vowed to rectify it.

The last example would be in 2012 as my husband and I learned of our son's diagnosis of Autism.  What a shock it was to get this news and have to come face to face with the fact that for whatever reason it seemed our genetic make-up was not a good mix.  What we chalked up to as a fluke with Hannah we were now reliving with Gabe.  Definitely a sign to take ourselves out of the gene pool.  However, we had had to let our health insurance go a year prior to his diagnosis and had no available funds to take any permanent steps toward infertility.  We didn't worry though thinking we were older and unlikely to conceive again anyway. 
Wrong!  Later that same year we learned we were expecting again.  Scared to death and wondering what God was up to now, we pressed on in faith believing for  a healthy child.  June of 2013 our precious baby girl, Emma was born.  What a blessing she is, and how fortunate I am to be able to experience things I missed out on with Hannah.  God is so good but sometimes He has to take us to an uncomfortable place to reveal His goodness to us because I promise you if we would've had insurance when Gabe was diagnosed, Emma would not be here today.

Back in January, I remember watching all the coverage for the BCS title game between Florida State and Auburn.  One particular show highlighted all the key games and plays that had gotten both teams to the championship game.  These highlights got me thinking about my own personal highlight reel.  Different scenes began to flash through my mind ... the singing award in junior high, the scholarship to go to college, my wedding day, moving into our brand new home, the birth of all four of our precious children ... And then I began to wonder what God would include in a "Heavenly Highlight Reel."  Would they be the same things?  We tend to look at the highlights in our life as exactly that, the high points.  But is our idea of highlights the same as God's?

Habakkuk 3:19 in the Amplified Bible says "The Lord God is my strength, my personal bravery, and my invincible army.  He makes my feet like hinds' feet and will make me to walk (not stand still in terror, but to walk) and make spiritual progress upon my high places (of trouble, suffering, and responsibility).

What are our high places? ... "trouble, suffering, and responsibility."  What?!  Why on earth are these considered high places?  From our perspective these are the low points, right?  At the time it certainly never occurred to me to look at the sale of a home falling through, the hauling of my car to a junkyard, or the inability to afford health insurance as high points!  But you see according to God's ways, which are completely opposite of the world's ways, OUR low points are HIS high points because these are the times we turn to Him.  These are the times when we seek God with our whole heart, anchor ourselves to the truths of His word, and put our complete faith and trust in His sovereign will.  At no other time are we more pliable and moldable (if that's a word?) to the Potter.  How precious our faith is in the eyes of the Father!  It is as our faith in Him grows higher that our understanding of Him grows deeper, and every time we choose to trust God we add another scene to our heavenly highlight reel.

Looking back at these situations and many others along my journey, I am convinced that the difficult cards we are dealt in life actually become the very things God uses to set us up for blessing.  The very obstacles Satan uses to destroy us actually become the platform in which God displays His greatest accomplishments in our lives. As Joel Osteen says, "Our set backs are God's set ups for a comeback!"

So are you curious how that game of Uno Attack ended?  Well, a few rounds later Jacob was able to play a "switch hands" card on his cousin and went on to win the game!  That's right ... and really all because he never gave up.  Now you might be tempted to think, "That's a sweet little story, but life is very different."  You are absolutely right.  A game is very different than life.  You are not guaranteed you will win a game, but if you are in Christ, you are guaranteed to win at life!  He has already secured the victory for you!  And although right now it seems you keep drawing cards to add to a fistful of other useless ones you can't play, know this ... the deck is stacked in your favor.  At the right time and in the right moment you will not only be able to play but WIN!  God can supernaturally thrust you from last place to first place.  The true test is not the game itself but choosing to stay in it!  Sometimes that is all our faith can do, but the beautiful and amazing thing is, that is all it takes. So keep running the race, my friend.  Keep fighting the good fight.  It is well worth the reward that awaits.

New Year, Renewed Mind

"Come close to God and He will come close to you." James 4:8  


   Well it is New Year's Eve.  2013 is coming to an end, and 2014 is wrapped in the promise of a new beginning.  I blogged a total of 2 times in 2013 ... not because I didn't want to blog or had nothing to say, but because 2013 was an incredibly busy year that found me experiencing the expanse of the human existence.  Many of you are aware my dad passed on to Glory in May.  What you may not know is my husband and I welcomed our 4th and final child into this world in June.  It was a roller coaster experience ... grieving the loss of one precious life while being overjoyed at the beginning of another.  God taught me a lot through that experience.  Mainly that passing out of this world mirrors passing into it.  Both are truly a beautiful thing when we know Jesus as our Lord and Savior.
   
   2013 was a reflective year not only due to my dad's passing but also as it marked 10 years of my daughter's diagnosis of Autism.  One would think not much could be learned through reflection, but with God's help it was a positive thing.  There is something about looking back over the years that highlights God's protection, guidance, faithfulness and ultimately His deep love like nothing else can.  We tend to have our doubts as life's difficulties come our way, but as we look back we see one set of footprints in the sand and know that not only was He there, He was carrying us the whole time.  Praise God! 
  
    Another development in 2013 was my mother's diagnosis of Dementia/Alzheimer's.  This has been very difficult for my sisters and me.  How sad it is to watch your mother regress back to a childlike state.  The confusion she experiences causes much stress for all involved.  I am incredibly grateful that I am not her main caregiver.  My older sisters are graciously taking on that role as they know my plate is full.  My prayers are continually with them as well as any of you who are dealing with this devastating disease.
   
   Due to all these changes, there are several things God has taught me this year that I intend to blog on. However the main theme I have walked away from 2013 with is my need for His Spirit. As I find life pulling me in numerous directions, all of which are valid uses of my time and energy, I have never been so aware of my inability to perform all these tasks.  God keeps bringing me back to Zachariah 4:6 "Not by might, nor by power, but by MY SPIRIT says the Lord of Hosts."  I am finding that while being Spirit filled is a wonderful thing, I am in need of being Spirit led and sustained.  So what's the difference, you might ask.  This is the way God explained it to me ....
  
    Back in high school I was studying to retake the ACT.  I had bombed the math portion the first time, and getting into college without having to take a remedial math course was on the line.  My boyfriend (now hubby) Chuck had agreed to tutor me ... poor thing!  Anyway after diligent study, we both took the test and then went out to lunch.  While in the car he asked me "So how many times did you use the Pythagorean Theorem?"  I looked at him dumbfounded and said "None!  Should I have?"  Needless to say it was a very smart thing I married my now accountant husband .... math is NOT my thing!
   
   What's my point ... or rather God's point as He replayed this scene in my head?  It's not enough to know the Pythagorean Theorem.  You have to know when to use it, or it is completely useless to you!  Please don't get me wrong, I'm not relegating the Holy Spirit to some perfunctory mathematical equation.  However I wonder how many free gifts God has given us that we don't tap into because we don't know how to apply them to the situations in our life.  That is where the Holy Spirit comes in.  How horrible to find out that we had all the tools we needed in this lifetime and yet due to our ignorance we didn't.
    
   So as I ring in the New Year this evening with my family I am grateful for all I have learned in 2013 ... even in those tearful moments.  God was in ALL of it!  As the promise of 2014 looms brightly, I resolve to draw closer to God and know the power available to me through the Holy Spirit.  I have no other resolution than Matthew 6:33 "But seek first of all His Kingdom and righteousness, and then all these things will be added unto you."  I know if I seek Him, He will be faithful to direct every area of my life.  He has amazing plans for each of us as we stay open to His leading.  I am excited to experience God and see Him in every detail of my life ... to the full, until it overflows because we serve an "above and beyond" kind of God!  Happy New Year and God's richest blessings in 2014!             

The Test and the Testimony

Beth’s Speech 3.22.13  (I was asked to give my testimony back in March.  I must admit it was much easier to write than to give as I cried many times throughout it.  Struggling with the future lately and know the best way to reassure myself of God's faithfulness is to go back and see His faithfulness in the past.  I hope this blesses you and stirs up your faith to trust God in whatever circumstances you might find yourself in.)

Hello, my name is Beth Bailey and my daughter Hannah is a part of the HOPE ministry here at Bell Shoals Baptist Church.  Back in August 2003, just before Hannah turned three, she was diagnosed with Landau-Kleffner Syndrome which is considered a very rare form of Autism.  I had known for awhile something was wrong, and that instinct was confirmed after doctors did an EEG and found Hannah had spiking activity in her left temporal lobe.  This is the speech and language center of the brain responsible for talking and comprehension.  I had already been seeking the Lord, but after this news I was in frantic pursuit of Him.

One day a few months later, I was feeling very heavy hearted over the uncertainty of the future when the Lord spoke to my heart and said “It’s going to be okay.  I’m going to use Hannah to touch people’s lives.”  A wave of peace washed over me, and about two weeks later while out to lunch with my sister she spoke those exact same words to me.  I knew it was confirmation.

Being the baby Christian I was at the time I began to come up with the plan I wanted God to use.  I remember telling God it was fine if He wanted to use Hannah.  He could touch as many people as He wanted and in whatever way He wanted, but He only had three years to do it.  I didn’t even want to entertain the thought that my precious daughter wouldn’t start kindergarten on time and with her “typical” peers.

Well, after three years came and went I found myself sitting in an IEP meeting to discuss the best placement for my daughter within Hillsborough County’s ESE program.  I was crushed and fell into a deep depression.  As Hannah went off to school everyday I continued to pray, but I could feel my heart hardening.  Where was God?  Didn’t He care?  If He really loved me, how could He allow this to happen?  What possible good could come out of all this?  These questions played in my mind until they became my thought life and the entire meditation of my heart. 

Looking back I can honestly say that although I was a Christian I had very shallow roots.  It was not difficult for Satan to begin to build lies upon my questions, the biggest lie centering on doubting God’s love.  With each passing day for two long years I became more frustrated, bitter, and angry with God.  As everything I thought I knew was being stripped away I hit a pivotal moment … the cross.  Was this a lie too?  Would it be stripped away also?  As I pondered this, my heart’s deepest desire rose up in me …  to have a conversation with my daughter.  I knew if I chose to walk away I would be giving up on any hope I had of experiencing this here on earth.  Likewise the promise to experience this in Heaven for eternity would be gone too.  The choice was clear.  So it was just me, Jesus, and the cross.  It didn’t seem like much to hang onto at the time, but God knew it was all I would need. 

Shortly after my re-dedication I found out I was pregnant.  I was so excited!  It had been my prayer for awhile to have another child, but I had also told the Lord I couldn’t handle another special child.  Certain God had heard my prayers the thought never occurred to me that something might go wrong.  On March 5, 2009 our perfectly healthy, beautiful baby boy named Gabe was born.  As a busy wife and mother of three, the next 18 months flew by.  All the while I continued to pray for Hannah but found myself struggling with the thought that her condition couldn’t possibly be God’s will.  In one moment I felt like I needed to pray, anoint her with oil, bind Satan, loose Satan … I didn’t know what to do, but I felt I needed to do something.  The next moment I found myself at peace and resting in where God had us.  As you can imagine swinging from one extreme to the other was emotionally exhausting.  So I began to seek the Lord specifically asking Him if this was His will. 

In December 2010 we had Gabe dedicated.  As I had done with my other two children, I wanted to buy Gabe a child’s Christian book for his dedication.  Not wanting to duplicate books, I began to search the house for Jacob and Hannah’s books.  When I found them my breath was taken away in complete astonishment.  Before I tell you the book I bought for Hannah I must tell you Hannah was dedicated when she was 6 months old, long before I had any idea what was coming our way.  The book was Max Lucado’s “The Crippled Lamb.”  (Brief overview of book.)  God had not only answered my question with a resounding YES, this was His plan, He also showed me He had a divine purpose in it.  I finally had peace – a peace that would carry me through another blow.

In February 2012 our son Gabe was diagnosed with Autism.  I remember leaving the doctor’s office in shock.  I drove home intentionally listening to praise and worship music and forcing myself to sing along.  I refused to let anything out of my mouth until I got home and in my Bible.  When I did God directed me to Exodus 14: 13&14 “Moses told the people, fear not, stand still and see the salvation of the Lord which He will work for you today.  For the Egyptians you have seen today you shall never see again.  The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace and remain at rest.”  I instantly received it as truth and God’s promise for my family’s situation, especially the part about not seeing those “Egyptians” again as concerns over our son Jacob having children began to invade my mind.

I must say throughout this journey God has richly blessed me with friends and family who have helped, prayed for, and encouraged me.  My church home here at BSBC is a huge part of that.  I am so incredibly grateful to Brenda for her obedience to God in starting the HOPE ministry.  My family didn’t attend church for years because we couldn’t find a place to take Hannah , and we couldn’t take her to church with us as her extremely sensitive ears would allow us to get through one song during praise and worship and we would have to go.  I truly believe the years we spent isolated from the body of Christ was one of the biggest reasons the enemy was able to successfully attack our emotions for so long.  There was no one there to help us divide God’s truth from Satan’s lies.  The respite events through HOPE are also a huge blessing for my family.  Our oldest son Jacob gets very limited time and attention as his sibling’s demands are so great.  These respite events give my husband and me an opportunity to give Jacob the time and attention he needs while doing fun activities that we cannot do with the other children. 

Another major help along the way has been the Heart to Heart women’s ministry here at BSBC.  I deeply treasure the friendships I have made through this group and can’t imagine walking all this out without my beautiful sisters in Christ.  In fact it was actually during a Beth Moore Bible Study with this group that God began to open my eyes and allow me to truly see my circumstances the way He does.  There are a few truths I’d like to share with you that I believe are universal regardless of the problems we face.

1.  GOD’S LOVE IS FOUNDATIONAL!  Because God is love, love is at the center of everything He does.  It is also the cornerstone on which every other spiritual truth rests.  The ultimate expression of this love is the cross.  Christ died for us while we were still sinners and through Him we have been given everything we need for life and godliness (Rom. 5:8 & 2 Peter 1:3).  What lavish love!   How could we not help but fall in love with Him and extend this love to others?  When we get a revelation on the depth of His love we become so rooted and grounded in Him that truly nothing can separate us from Him (Eph. 3: 17-18).

2.  GOD’S NATURE AND CHARACTER ARE NOT DEFINED BY OUR CIRCUMSTANCES!  This lie from Satan can be traced way back to the Israelites wondering in the wilderness.  We tend to equate God with what is happening in our lives and blame Him for it.  This opens the door for Satan to dump wrong thoughts in our head.  He tries to use the tangibles of this world to warp our spiritual truth.  This is why it’s so important to know the Word!  Only the Bible reveals the true nature of God.  He is love (1 John 4:8).  He never leaves us or lets us go (Heb 13:5).  He is faithful and compassionate (Ps 145:8&13).  His mercy and grace abound to us (Neh. 9:31).

3.  THE WILDERNESS IS NOT A PUNISHMENT!  If you look at Exodus 13: 17-18 and Luke 4:1 you will see the Israelites and Jesus being led to the wilderness.  In both cases they were divinely led.  We tend to think the only way God can deliver us is by removing the trial, but the truth is sometimes He delivers us through trials.  While salvation is instantaneous, sanctification is a process.  This process requires us to grow and be refined so we can be transformed into the very image of Christ (2 Cor. 3:18).  Trials are really an invitation to know God more deeply because they cause us to come to the end of ourselves and face to face with our Creator.  Yes, we all love the mountaintop but intimacy with the lily of the valley is not found there.

4.  NO MATTER WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCE, GOD’S PEOPLE ARE BLESSED!  Maybe like me you’ve gotten so caught up in seeing your circumstances in light of the curse listed in Deut. 28 that you have missed the fact that Christ has completely redeemed you from the curse (Gal. 3:13)?  I’m not saying that we will never experience suffering.  The Bible makes it quite clear we will (John 16:33), but if you are in Christ you can be assured that whatever difficulty you face God will turn it for your good and for His glory (Rom. 8:28)!  Deut. 23:5 says “But the Lord your God has turned the curse into a blessing for you, because He loves you.”  I’ve come to realize that blessings come in all different kinds of packages, and the harder a package is to open the greater the blessing that is in store. 

5.  THE DEVIL IS IN THE DETAILS!  Who, what, where, when, why, and how?  Trials usually require us to make decisions, and Satan will pounce on this opportunity to overwhelm you.  Prov 3:5-6 tells us “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path.” God already knows what will and won’t work.  Don’t waste your time trying it your way first.  Seek God and ask Him for wisdom (James 1:5).  Know your steps are ordered of the Lord and He will be faithful to direct you (Ps. 37:23).

6.  WATCH YOUR WORDS!  The Bible has much to say about our mouth.  Our words have creative power for good or bad depending on how we use them … “He creates the fruit of the lips” (Is. 57:19).  Words start as thoughts and end as actions.  Thoughts have a snowball effect … negative leads to more negative and positive leads to more positive.  Satan knows this and will try everything he can to get you to think wrong thoughts.  Remember to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Cor. 10:5)!

7.  OPERATE FROM A POSITION OF FAITH NOT FEAR!  Heb. 11:1 tells us faith is a substance used to create the things we hope for.  If that’s the case then it is safe to say fear is the substance used to create things we don’t want.  However, faith means uncertainty and vulnerability and can be a little scary at times.  If God allows a difficulty in your life you didn’t think you could handle it’s because He wants you to personally experience that you are more than a conqueror through Him, that His strength is made perfect is your weakness, and your sense of insufficiency is the container He wants to fill with His grace (Rom. 8:37, 2 Cor. 12:9).

8.  RESIST THE TEMPTATION TO COMPARE! “Thou shalt not covet” (Deut. 5:21).  Why did God feel this was such an important topic that it is among the 10 Commandments?  Where does coveting stem from?  Coveting is the result of comparing.  We see someone else having what we want to have, doing what we’d like to do, and experiencing what we wish we could experience.  The emotions of envy and jealousy that arise keep us from being content and enjoying what God has given us.  Then we find ourselves striving in our flesh to obtain these things instead of striving for the only thing the Bible tells us to strive for … to enter His rest (Heb. 4:11).  While it is undoubtedly a blessing to enjoy earthly things, our focus is to be on the eternal not the temporal because the eternal is what will last (2 Cor. 4:18).

9.  TRUST IN GOD’S SOVEREIGN PLAN!  We serve a faithful God who has a good plan for each of us (Jer. 29:11).  Nothing catches Him by surprise.  He knows the beginning from the end (Is. 46:10). His plan, purpose, and timing can be trusted, but love is foundational to that trust.  Allow me to prove it. Think of the person you most trust.  Why do you trust them?  Does it have anything to do with their unconditional love for you?  Our trust and His love are closely linked.  While reading scriptures about faith and trust are good when I am feeling doubt and unbelief creep in, most of the time meditating on scriptures about His love is what reassures my heart and brings me back to a place of trusting God’s sovereignty.

10.  GOD WANTS TO USE YOU!  As a Christian you have enlisted in God’s army, and God has an assignment for you.  He knows our characteristics and strengths and has chosen each of us to do a certain job that we are to do as unto Him (Eph. 2:10, Col. 3:23).  But what if you aren’t happy with the task you’ve been assigned?  Well, you’d be in good company.  Biblical figures such as Joseph, Gideon, Daniel, Mary, and yes even Jesus come to mind.  All these people where assigned jobs they probably wouldn’t have picked.  They did them anyway and through their perseverance became powerful witnesses of God.  God wants to use you in much the same way.  Who better to testify of God’s faithfulness than someone who has experienced pain and watched God turn their tears into laughter and make beauty from ashes (2 Cor. 1:4, Is. 61:3)?!       

In January of 2012 God began to show me that I was a part of the plan He had told me about years ago when He said “I’m going to use Hannah to touch people’s lives.”  It is with great humility that I now realize that my life was one of the lives God wanted to touch through Hannah, and the perspective I have gained is both precious and priceless to me.  God then led me to start the LOVE ministry (the Lord Orchestrates Victory in Everything); a support group for parents of children with special needs that works in conjunction with the HOPE ministry.  I also started a blog called “Turning Life’s Lemons into Lemonade.”  I am amazed at the number of people who read it most of which do not have special needs children but are dealing with some other difficulty.  The response I have had from both of these activities has been tremendous.  I have never felt more fulfilled, and it is so exciting to see the bigger picture God had in mind all along begin to come to pass.

Well, I sure wish I could wrap up my story with a nice big bow and say “The End,” but God is not through writing it.  Hannah is now 12 and recently started using an iPad to assist her with communication.  Gabe is now 4 and just learned to ride a bike.  I give God the glory for these accomplishments and thank Him in advance for the ones to come.  Our family is expecting a forth and final child in July.  As my faith has been tested concerning the health of this child God has again taken me back to Exodus 14: 13&14.  Turns out the part about not seeing those ”Egyptians” again was for me after all.  So I will continue to fight the good fight trusting in God, submitting to His plan, advancing His purpose, and being patient with His timing because I know the Lord truly does orchestrate victory in everything.  Thank you!                     

Memories of My Father

(This was what I shared at my dad's funeral today 5/23/13.  I share it with you in the utmost respect for my father and in hopes that it will touch the hearts of other marriages and families.)

Reflecting back on my childhood (and setting aside all the memories of watching sports with my dad) my 3 most vivid daily memories would be the rattling of change in my dad’s pockets, the fact that he whistled almost everywhere he went, and the fragrance of Old Spice after shave that would linger on our dog’s head each morning indicating dad had petted him before he left for work.

My father was a good man who, like all of us, lived an imperfect life.  He was very much the prodigal son who loved the Lord but wanted to do things his own way.  While God clearly works through those who are willing vessels, in His infinite wisdom He also displays Himself in the lives of those who are not so willing to submit.  This was my dad, and truthfully in no other life that I’ve known has the grace of God been more evident than his.  That grace proved sufficient as time after time it covered dad’s mistakes.  The faithfulness of God became undeniable as Ezekiel 34:11 & 16 played out in his life … “And the Lord said, Behold, I myself will search for my sheep and will seek them out.  I will seek that which was lost and bring back that which has strayed.”  Yes, dad spent many years as a wandering sheep, but the Good Shepherd was always faithful to lead him back. 

The power of persevering prayer eventually paid off, but not in the timing those praying would’ve liked.  Nevertheless, God’s promises are true and His word does not return void, and the longer it takes for the things hoped for to come to pass in our lives the more precious they are.  As Joel 2:25 says “And He will restore to you the years the locusts have eaten.”  Our family has personally witnessed the healing of a  marriage and the restoration of a family.  In fact during the last weeks of his life, dad cried as he too acknowledged the goodness of God and the evidence of the redemptive power of Christ on his life.  We have been so blessed as a family who at times couldn’t trace the hand of God and therefore had to trust His heart.  The result has been a deeper understanding of God’s amazing grace, His unwavering faithfulness, and His unfailing love.

So what have I learned from these 3 seemingly insignificant childhood memories of my dad? 

-First, sometimes change rattles, but no matter how long it takes we can be assured God’s will is being done as He transforms us from glory to glory. 

-Second, because we can trust in the Author and Finisher of our faith to change what needs to be changed within and around us, we can be at rest and “whistle while He works.”

-And lastly, when all is said and done just like the scent of after shave on our little dog’s head, the fragrance of our life will undoubtedly reveal that we have been touched by the Father’s hand.

Thank you God for my dad and the many lessons I have learned through his life.  And dad, I love you.  I will miss you, and my soul is anchored to the promise of our eternal heavenly reunion.

A Church Without Spot or Wrinkle

Well I certainly did not intend on blogging today ... I really need to clean my house, but there is nothing like a good run to clear the mind.  As He so often does, God began speaking to my heart about the election results last night and continued to reveal things to me as I ran this morning.  I feel compelled to share these things with all of you out there who, like me were probably VERY disappointed last night.  Before I continue, let me just say these statements are not meant to politically divide but to spiritually unite.

The first stirring I received is that Jesus is coming soon.  This was not a mental thought but a spiritual discerning.  Here are a few points to back that up:  First, almost all of Biblical prophecy has been fulfilled, and with the re-election of President Obama more will be.  In the last days ALL nations will turn their back on Israel.  (Ezek. 38:16)  If Obama's second term is anything like his first, it is quite clear that this will indeed happen.  Second, the Bible says in the last days good will be seen as evil and evil as good.  As I watch so many of my fellow Christian Americans worry more about taxation and entitlement programs than abortion and homosexual marriage, it is clear to me that they too have been blinded as to the difference between good and evil.  Third, the Bible clearly speaks of an overflow of natural disasters that will strike the earth.  (Mark 13)  I have never in my nearly 40 years of living seen such  a magnitude of amount and intensity of these devastating storms ... Al Gore is right about that.  However he is wrong about their source.  It is not GLOBAL WARMING.  It is GLOBAL WARNING!  Many other signs of the end are given ... wars and rumors of wars, famine, calamities, etc.  (Mark 13)  Certainly no man knows the time of Christ's return, but as Jesus pointed out in Matthew 24:37 "As were the days of Noah, so will be the coming of the Son of Man."  Others did not perceive the time, but Noah did.  He had been building an ark for YEARS!  In Noah's day just like today, sin abounded.  But Romans 5:20 says "where sin abounds, grace (God's unmerited favor) has surpassed and superabounds!"

So if indeed we are living at the end of ages then what is this all about, and what is God doing?  First of all you must realize that in the New Testament the word of God addresses 3 different groups ... the Jews, the Church, and the Nations.  So ask yourself, what one are you a part of?  American Christians and Christians around the world must begin to see through the eyes of God about this.  It isn't about America, Great Britain, Canada, Japan, Germany, Australia, or any other country.  It's about the CHURCH!  God is readying His Church for Jesus' return.  This is a time of preparation that will lead to separation.  In the book of Matthew, God speaks of separating the wheat from the tares and the sheep from the goats (chapters 13 & 25).  Notice they are all together at first.  The tares think they are wheat and the goats think they are sheep, but they are not.  Again Matthew chapter 7 is very eye opening in that Jesus tells some to depart from Him that thought they knew Him but really didn't. 

The Old Testament is a forerunner of the New Testament.  Think of how often God spoke to Israel trying to get them to change their ways and yet they wouldn't.  They were stiff necked, rebellious, and hard hearted toward Him.  So (after giving numerous warnings through Himself and prophets) what did He allow to happen?  He allowed them to be scattered and for sufferings to come in their life, but He did promise that He would gather them back home again.  This began in the 1940's at the end of WWII with the recreation of the state of Israel.  (Prophecied in the end of the book of Ezekiel).  Think of it this way.  As a parent you keep trying to tell your child to stop a certain behavior knowing that it will lead to destruction, but they don't listen.  At some point you realize they will have to fall on their face before they will get it.  As much as this pains you it is the only way to get them to open their eyes to the truth.  This is the very process that we are in right now.  It may be painful, but it will bring about good.  Just as God promised to bring a refined Israel home, He promises to bring the refined Church home. 

So clearly we are in a time of judgement and will continue to be.  This is preparation time.  Time to allow God to refine us, and it is through that process He is revealing Himself to His beloved Church.  Look at the letters to the Churches in the book of Revelation.  Chapters 2&3 are not just meant for those specific churches but for the Church today.  To Ephesus He warns that they have abandoned their first love.  To Smyrna he warns of suffering but promises deliverance.  To Pergamum He warns of Idolatry of false Gods.  To Thyatira He warns of false prophets and sexual sin.  To Sardis He warns to stir themselves up and become alive.  To Philadelphia He encourages to stay faithful and patiently and expectantly endure.  To Laodicea He warns of being lukewarm.  What is my point?  My point is we need to allow the Holy Spirit to speak to us about where we are falling short so we can repent.  "Those whom I dearly and tenderly love, I tell their faults and convince, reprove, and chasten (I discipline and instruct them).  So be enthusiastic and in earnest and burning with zeal and REPENT (change your mind and attitude)." Rev. 3:19 

In the end the Bible warns that things will get worse FOR THE NATIONS, but remember we are the CHURCH, the Body of whom Jesus is the Head.  Has not Jesus cleansed us and atoned for all of our sins?  Are we not the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus?   Jesus has already paid the price for the judgement that is coming upon the earth (nations) for those who believe on Him.  Romans 1:17 says "The JUST shall live by faith."  Who are "the just"?  Those who have been justified, who are made righteous and in right standing with God through the shed blood of Jesus Christ!  That's us!!!  We have been declared NOT GUILTY!  Church, we need a real revelation of who we are in Christ and what has already been done for us so that we can operate in the faith of that knowledge.  We need a real revelation of God's love ... the love that held Jesus to that cross and paid a price we could NEVER pay.  We need to be so deeply rooted and grounded in it that NOTHING can shake us.  Remember "Perfect love casteth out all fear" (1 John 4:18), and "Faith works by love." (Gal. 5:6)  LOVE  IS SO VERY IMPORTANT! 

Many of my fellow American Christians are very angry about the outcome of this election.  Don't be.  Government is not your source!  God is!  God is still on the throne, and He will never relinquish control.  We are to pray for our leaders knowing that the heart of the king (president) is in God's hand (1 Tim. 2:1/ Prov 21:1).  Take a look at 2 Chronicles 7:14 "If My people, who are called by My name, shall humble themselves, pray, seek, crave, and require of necessity My face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven, forgive their sins, and heal their land." Who is God addressing here?  His people, the church - us.  What is He telling us to do?  Humble ourselves, pray, seek, crave, require Him as a vital necessity, and turn or repent from our wicked ways.  What has He promised to do?  Let our candidate win the White House so that he can fix everything?  NO!  God Himself will hear from heaven, forgive our sins, and heal our land.  God has called and expects His people to do this.  He knows the rest of the world doesn't get it.  They are blinded to the truth!  (John 14:17)  If we were ever called to be the salt, light, and hope of the earth it is NOW! 

God has arranged this specific time in history to offer a crash course for His Church, a wake-up call that America has been needing.  This course is going to teach us how to operate just like Jesus did, doing only what His Father did and saying only what His Father said.  (John 5:19)   We are about to see what Ephesians 1 calls the "fullness of the body of Christ."  We are about to experience the "greater works that we will do" that Jesus foretold (John 14:12).  Because of this the world is going to flock to the church like never before, and a great end time harvest of souls will be the result!  If you already have revelation on principles like faith and love, continue to walk in them being an example to other Christians.  Come alongside your brother and sister in Christ and help them walk it out.  Edify and build one another up!  If you don't yet clearly get these principles seek the Lord as well as other Christians, a church home, and teaching ministries that will help you.  Jesus is coming back for "a glorious Church without spot or wrinkle." (Eph. 5:27)  He is patiently waiting for us to be ready, but even He doesn't know the hour in which God has predestined for His return (Mark 13:32).  Look inward and check your spirit.   I think you will sense the time is near.  The Bridegroom is at the door expectantly anticipating to carry His Bride across the threshold to eternal glory in Heaven.  The question is, is the Bride expectantly anticipating her Bridegroom?  We have alot to do.  Let's get ready!   (Rev. 19:7)