Fair Feathered Faith

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5

While sitting at breakfast a few weeks ago, my little Kindergartner Emma, was telling me all about bones in the body. She excitedly prattled on about her arm bones, leg bones, tummy bones, and head bones. Looking down at our dog, who always patiently sits under the table waiting for something yummy to drop, she said, "Mommy, do dogs have bones?"

I responded in the affirmative as I quickly Googled dog skeletons for her to see. She then wanted to see a cat skeleton ... and a mouse skeleton ... etc, etc. It slowly evolved into a game of me showing her a skeleton and her guessing what animal it was. Fun and educational. A win-win! And then I showed her a peacock skeleton. She knew it was a bird but struggled with what one. So I finally told her what it a was.

"A peacock! What's a peacock?" she asked.

Stunned at her answer, because peacocks roam wild where we live here in Florida, I pulled up a picture of one on my phone. Oh my goodness! She could hardly contain her enthusiasm as she viewed the pics of the beautiful bird and all its showy feathers. She went on and on about how beautiful she was; how colorful she was; how lovely she was. And then I told her it wasn't a "she." It was actually a "he." 

"Would you like to see the girl peacock?" I asked.

" Yes!!!" This mommy could read her girl like a book. In that little mind I could hear ... If that's the BOY, I can't wait to see the GIRL!! While envisioning a pink and purple feathered bird with sparkles and rainbows!!

I pulled up the pic and handed her my phone. My heart almost broke as my daughter's face dropped into complete and utter disappointment. She stood there staring at the male and female bird side by side in quiet disbelief. She literally could not speak.

"I know, Sweetie. It just doesn't seem fair, does it?" I empathized.

"No. It doesn't." Was all she could manage to get out.

I jumped in. "But let me tell you how amazing God is in making the girl this way! That girl peacock will be a mommy peacock. She will live on the ground caring for, feeding, and protecting her babies. If a dangerous animal comes along, one that might try to eat her or her babies, she can hide herself and her babies because her colors blend in with the ground. If she was as bright and colorful as the daddy peacock she wouldn't be able to hide, and she and her babies would not survive."

Although I could tell she was processing the logic in what I was saying, the disappointed look did not leave her face. To her, that trade off was clearly hard to accept. And as she walked away to go play, flashbacks of things I've clearly struggled to accept played in my head. You know, thinking things would be one way and they ended up not even close? A wise person once said the depth of one's disappointment is in direct correlation to the distance between their expectation and reality. I could not agree more!

However, it is those same disappointments that cause us to realize God wants to be way more than a Fair Weather Friend to us and loves us way too much to leave us with Fair Feathered Faith. You know, able to praise Him when all is well but blame Him when things go wrong? Disappointments are opportunities to decide where our focus will be. Will it be on the disappointment as we stare at the chasm between expectation and reality, or will we choose to lean not on our own understanding trusting the One who sovereignly allows things to pass through His hands? Sometimes it is hard to reconcile a God who has the power to change our circumstances and yet chooses not to. The challenge is trusting that His greater good does not have to involve the answers we desperately seek and pleadingly pray for. For some this is a hard thing to do. For other's, an easier one. For me? Not hard but a continual process. Every time the questions come I must choose to lay them at His feet in complete surrender. 

As I sat contemplating the lesson of that peacock that morning Matthew 6:26 popped in my head. "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" 

Lord, whether we understand Your ways or not, You have Your reasons. And if you cared enough to make that mommy peacock homely to fulfill her purpose, how much more can I and should I trust You in making my two children with special needs just as they are? Once again, Lord, I choose to trust.

Enter Essential Oils

A man's mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure. -Prov. 16:9

It's been said that life is lived in forward and understood in reverse. I've found this to be very true, and it perfectly describes how I started my journey with essential oils.

For those of you who don't know me, I have two children diagnosed with Autism. One in 2003, and the other in 2012. As an Autism mom, or any mom dealing with a diagnosis of which no cause, no cure, and no definite prognosis can be given, you search. Your search usually starts with doctors and therapists. But when unresolved issues linger you are faced with specialists and medications. Although these things have a place in this world, it can be really hard to put your young, developing child on some of these meds. So your search widens to other methods of helping your child. These may include, but certainly are not limited to, special diets (gluten and casein free, eliminating red dye #5 and artificial flavoring, etc.), chelation therapy (removing heavy metals from the body), hyperbaric oxygen chamber treatments (infusing high levels of oxygen to the body) ... and the list goes on and on. However, NONE of these specialized treatments are covered by medical insurance, and families can go broke in all their endeavors to improve their child's life and many times do with no real improvement to show for it.

This was my family's story, and when it happened it was emotionally, physically, and financially devastating. It was at this point that I stopped searching. I stopped trying to do things in my own power and strength. I was depleted! Which in hindsight is exactly where God knew I needed to be. I began to realize God already knew exactly what was going on with my children and exactly what would be most beneficial for their bodies. I realized now more than ever I needed to be spirit led because I was running myself ragged. So I swapped my searching for prayer, and the most amazing thing happened.

It was 2014 when a dear neighbor of mine stopped me one day to ask if I'd ever heard of essential oils. I had but was not very knowledgeable on the topic. I had grown up with a mom that thought Tea Tree Oil could cure anything. (Kind of like the dad in My Big Fat Greek Wedding who sprayed everything with Windex!) So my neighbor sent me some info about oils and talked with me at length about them, but I was a bit of a skeptic at that point.

That summer our family went to a Joni and Friends Family Retreat, a camp especially designed for families affected by disability. There I met a fellow special needs mom who told me about essential oils. She was very passionate about them and gave me a bottle of lemon and lavender ... my first experiences outside of Tea Tree Oil. Later that same evening I received a text from a family member who had recently gotten involved in essential oils. I could hear the excitement through her typed words as she told me about oils and some very powerful testimonies of using them on children with Autism. Now my curiosity was peaked as this "oils thing" kept coming up and this scripture came to mind, "For God does reveal His will; He speaks not only once, but more than once, even though men do not regard it." (Job 33:14) God now had my full attention. After all, I had prayed for Him to direct my path about my children, and it sure looked like He was doing it!

Even in sensing this was the way to go, I had absolutely no clue about essential oils and Autism. I did a little research on line but found it completely overwhelming. It seemed, like most things regarding the Autism Spectrum, it was not a simple one-size fits all kind of thing. Everyone had different testimonies of what worked for their kids. Too mind boggled by the whole thing I set it aside and prayed again that if this was really the path somehow God would lead me in what oils to use and how to use them.

Little did I know that while all this was happening with me, some 1,200 miles away a woman well versed in essential oils, her husband, and their two sons on the Spectrum were putting plans in motion to move to Florida. (Where I live!) They would make the move that fall of 2014, and God would work a divine appointment for our paths to cross. But first He had to further prepare me for essential oils by giving my first "Oh my gosh" experience with them.

*This is actually the first post of my new blog Essential Oils, God, & Me. If you are interested in connecting with this blog you can at eogme.blogspot.com.

Transition to Grace

"For from His fullness we have all received grace upon grace." -John 1:16

Transition.  It's a word special needs parents (and those that work with special kiddos) know all too well.  Even parents of typical kids have experience with it.  It's the two year old who doesn't want to leave the playground to go home. He wants to stay and keep playing.  So with arms flailing and lungs whaling you scoop him up, put him in the car, and leave.  A strong-willed child is tough!

Now imagine this child is 10 or 12 or 14. Imagine a child this age, for various reasons, struggling to transition. Maybe it's because of a sensory issue or because it's a break from the usual "routine," or maybe you cannot even pinpoint why they will not transition. Imagine a child so set in his ways that he will not willingly try new experiences; fun activities such as sliding down a slide or eating pudding or safety issues like leaving a school building for a fire drill.

The ladies that make up my support group have laughed and cried over these experiences. Getting stuck in the McDonald's playground tunnels because we were so determined to get our kid to go down the slide! Trying to hide, disguise, or quickly put a dab of new food on our child's plate or mixing it in with foods they already eat, and then getting the cold shoulder once the offense is discovered. We've had to be a blend of creative, patient, and tenacious in our parenting! And although I could clearly identify my child's struggle with transitioning I seemed to be oblivious to my own.

Enter summer of 2016 which found my family enjoying our third trip to Joni and Friends Family Retreat. We were super excited to attend. In fact when I showed Hannah the social story full of familiar photos of camp, she started pulling out everything she owned to pack!  Meanwhile, our 7 year old OCD driven son was putting everything back in its proper place just as quickly. Ha! Packing was an experience all in itself!

Anyway, the previous year had found me in a funk. I was struggling with this new place God had me. You see, my dad passed away in 2013, and my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's the following year. Like most parents, mine had been a huge support to me and the glue that held the entire family together. This new season was one of feeling like I no longer had a family. I do have siblings, but all of us have families of our own. Some live far away. Some have jobs. Some were busy taking care of our mother, which I was and am incredibly grateful for. But our family dynamic had definitely permanently changed, and for my still young family, it was a difficult adjustment; one I wasn't happy about and struggling to trust God with.

It was at our JAF mom's meeting Thursday morning that another mom opened up about her frustration in dealing with her son's inability to transition ... even to things she knew he would enjoy if he'd just try it. "If he would just trust me," she cried. Gosh, was that a light bulb moment as it felt like God was saying those words to me! Suddenly I realized my children on the spectrum are not the only ones who struggle with transition. As so many times before, God used the mirror of my children's brokenness to show me mine. Why wouldn't I trust God with this new season? Why couldn't I trust that perhaps He was leading me to a new place, one that would lead to more fulfillment and happiness? This was my first glimpse into the fact that I was not the "normal" one dealing with "abnormal" children. I wasn't fully able while my children were disabled. I have my own non-abilities, my own quirks, my own abnormalities. Ones the Lord continually reveals to me through the experiences of my children.

God was really driving His point home with me as about a month later someone asked me what the difference was in having "typical" kids and "special" kids, as I have two of each. My initial response was that I lose my patience much easier with me "typical" kids because they know better than the things they do. Yet, I have tons of patience with my "special" kids because they are disabled. They can't help it!

As that week went on for some reason God would not let that answer go. It seemed in all my quiet time that answer came back to the surface, and I just couldn't figure out why. When one morning while reading in the Book of Romans, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" and, "Where sin abounds, grace abounds all the more" (Rom.3:23, 5:20) another light bulb moment occurred. If all have sinned and fall short, why would I not extend grace equally to all? Why would one who has a physical manifestation of brokenness be extended more grace than one who does not - than one whose brokenness is still just as real, just as present but concealed in a vessel that appears to be unbroken? The truth is God sees our hearts and is continually refining our spirits because they are broken. Imagine with me if we all saw heart and soul disability as our actual physical representations. I think we might all be flabbergasted to know we are all disabled, all broken, and all in need of God's great grace and grace from each other.

This eye-opening moment has caused a shift in how I view my children, and in fact, how I view everyone I come in contact with. I pray I always remember this lesson that the Lord allowed me to have. Extend grace. Extend mercy. Extend love. People are hurting and broken. Life is full of transitions, and people don't need to hear unkind and simplifying sentiments. Do your best to comfort and encourage and leave whatever work that needs to be done to the Lord knowing whether in your life or another's He Who has begun a good work is faithful to complete it. (Phil. 1-6) We are all transitioning by His great grace!

What the Father Says

"Then said the Lord to me, You have seen well, for I am alert and active, watching over My word to perform it."  Jer. 1:12

It was July. I only remember it was July because our AC had broke and we were staying with my husband's mother who graciously welcomed our family of six into her home. That morning I was busy folding laundry while Emma colored at the kitchen table when I heard her become upset. Peaking around the corner into the kitchen I noticed one of her colored pencils had rolled off the table and onto the floor. She was distraught. "My pencil! My pencil! Fall on the floor!" Quickly I finished what I was folding so I could go help her when all of a sudden I heard her say, "It's okay, Emma. Get down and get it."  I watched as she climbed off her chair, retrieved her pencil, and climbed back up again.  Once settled, I heard her say "Good job, Emma!" And without another thought about it, she continued coloring her picture.

A casual on-looker might have seen this and thought, "Oh, how cute!"  A child psychologist might have seen this and thought, "This child can problem solve and self-soothe." And they would both be right!  But as her mother I saw something else. I saw a child who had learned to say what her parent says. Her words were my words. They came up and went out of her mouth to give her both calmness and clarity and encouragement in her dilemma. It was a profound moment to fully realize the impact of my words on her! Not that on some level I haven't always known this, but hearing her speak her thoughts was a window into my ability and responsibility to teach her and to be her example.  It reminded me of a quote by Peggy O'Mara "The way you speak to your child becomes their inner voice." Truly, the powerful impact of a parent's words are undeniable.

This entire scenario got me thinking about my own "self-talk." Just like Emma, the words I speak to myself should be what my parent speaks to me; what my Abba Father speaks to me. His Word is not only His identity but mine because I am in Christ. But oh, how my mind must be continually renewed in this area!  My natural disposition is to say things that run contrary to His Word, but the power to create positive change comes from being in agreement with His Word. So I've borrowed an extensive but certainly not exhaustive list of my, your, our Biblically defined identity in Christ to help us take every thought captive (2 Cor. 10:5). This list can be found in the back of the Armor of God workbook ... a Priscilla Shirer study. (Coincidentally I was doing this study last July when this happened!) I encourage you to print this list off and keep it handy or to write down the scriptures that speak to you most and post them places that you frequent during your day (ie. laundry room, bathroom, car, refrigerator!) ... whatever helps you continually remember who you are and whose you are. I would also encourage you to speak these truths over your children, spouse, and other loved ones. I have been doing these things myself and am finding it very helpful in my thinking and fruit bearing in my loved ones.  Let's start speaking what the Father says knowing His Word is alive and active.(Heb. 4:12) It goes forth to accomplish His will because He is alert, watching over His Word to perform it! (Is. 55:11; Jer. 1:12)

- I am a child of God (John 1:12).
- I have peace with God (Romans 5:1).
- The Holy Spirit lives in me (1 Cor. 3:16).
- I have access to God's wisdom (Jas. 1:5).
- I am helped by God (Heb 4:16).
- I am reconciled to God (Rom. 5:11).
- I am not condemned by God (Rom 8:1).
- I am justified (Rom. 5:1).
- I have Christ's righteousness (Rom. 5:19; 2 Cor. 5:21).
- I am Christ's ambassador (2 Cor. 5:20).
- I am completely forgiven (Col. 1:14).
- I am tenderly loved by God (Jer. 31:3).
- I am the sweet fragrance of Christ to God (2 Cor. 2:15).
- I am a temple in which God dwells (1 Cor. 3:16).
- I am blameless and beyond reproach (Col. 1:22).
- I am the salt of the earth (Matt. 5:13).
- I am the light of the world (Matt. 5:14).
- I am a branch on Christ's vine (John 15:1,5).
- I am Christ's friend (John 15:5).
- I am chosen by Christ to bear fruit (John 15:6).
- I am a joint heir with Christ, sharing His inheritance with Him (Rom 8:17).
- I am united to the Lord, one spirit with Him (1 Cor. 6:17).
- I am a member of Christ's body (1 Cor. 12:27).
- I am a saint (Eph. 1:1).
- I am hidden with Christ in God (Col. 3:3).
- I am chosen by God, holy and dearly loved (Col. 3:12).
- I am a child of the light (1 Thess. 5:5).
- I am holy, and I share in God's heavenly calling (Heb 3:1).
- I am sanctified (Heb 2:11).
- I am one of God's living stones, being built up in Christ as a spiritual house (1 Pet. 2:5).
- I am a member of a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God's own possession and created to sing His praises (1 Pet. 2:9-10).
- I am firmly rooted and built up in Christ (Col. 2:7).
- I am born of God, and the evil one cannot touch me (1 John 5:18).
- I have the mind of Christ (1 Cor. 2:16).
- I may approach God with boldness, freedom, and confidence (Eph. 3:12).
- I have been rescued from Satan's domain and transferred into the kingdom of Christ (Col. 1:13).
- I have been made complete in Christ (Col. 2:10).
- I have been given a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline (2 Tim. 1:7).
- I have been given great and precious promises by God (2 Pet. 1:4).
- My needs are met by God (Phil. 4:19).
- I am a prince (princess) in God's kingdom (John 1:12; 1 Tim. 6:15).
- I have been bought with a price, and I belong to God (1 Cor. 6:19-20).
- I have been adopted as God's child (Eph. 1:5).
- I have direct access to God through the Holy Spirit (Eph 2:18).
- I am assured that all things are working together for good (Rom. 8:28).
- I am free from any condemning charges against me (Rom. 8:31).
- I cannot be separated from the love of God (Rom. 8:35).
- I have been established, anointed, and sealed by God (2 Cor. 1:21-22).
- I am confident that the good work that God has begun in me will be perfected (Phil 1:6).
- I am a citizen of heaven (Phil. 3:20).
- I am a personal witness of Christ's (Acts 1:8).
- I am God's coworker (2 Cor. 6:1; 1 Cor. 3:9).
- I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realm (Eph. 2:6).
- I am God's workmanship (Eph. 2:10).
- I can do all things through Christ, who gives me the strength I need (Phil. 4:13).

Scabs, Scars, and Band-aids

"Strip yourself of your former nature which characterized your previous manner of life ... and be constantly renewed in the spirit of your mind and put on the new nature created in God's image, in true righteousness and holiness." (Eph. 4:22-24)

"We've all been there" is probably a big assumption. So let me just share where I was in the hope that I'm not the only one.  I had been hurt.  (Who hasn't been, right?)  And I had made the decision to forgive, to release it to the Lord, to not be controlled by feelings but moved to action through obedience to God's word. Forgive. So I did it and felt 50 pounds lighter.  All was well for days, and then out of nowhere the situation popped back in my head. Before I knew it I was upset again, hurt again, angry and disappointed again. So, again, I chose to forgive.  A few days ... maybe even a week went by when, POP!  It came up again! Like an involuntary hurling of the stomach, there I was in the midst of all the yuck again.  Even though I didn't want to, I kept succumbing to a bad stomach bug of the brain. What is wrong with me? I know I've forgiven this person, and yet I am convinced (or maybe Satan has me convinced) that I haven't or it wouldn't keep coming up.  So I prayed ...

Lord, please help me!  Tell me what I'm missing here. You have asked me to forgive, and I have ... or at least I think I have. Yet this situation keeps coming back to my mind, and the hurt plays out all over again.  I keep reliving an episode I want to forget. What do I do to stop this and completely heal?

At the same time I was dealing with soap opera flashbacks, I also was dealing with my precious 15 year old daughter, Hannah who has Autism.  Many times Autism is accompanied by other conditions like ADHD, anxiety, or OCD.  My daughter was showing severe signs of both anxiety and OCD as she began picking at herself. She would get a place open and bleeding. Then it would scab over. Then she would pick at it again until it bled. Then it would scab. Then she'd pick.  And on and on the cycle would go.  The worst part about her problem was the number of times the area became infected and needed to be treated with antibiotics.  The sad part (for me) was seeing my beautiful daughter's skin become more and more scarred by her continual picking.

Simultaneously, Emma, my vivacious, talkative, and geared toward theatrics 2 year old had become completely obsessed with band-aids.  Not just ANY band-aids ... Disney Princess band-aids!  It all started innocently enough.  She got an owie. I put Neosporin and a band-aid on it. Viola! Every thing's better!  But then it turned into a scab needed a band-aid; a bug bite needed a band-aid; a red spot needed a band-aid; and (my personal favorite) the invisible owie that needed a band-aid.  "See it, Mommy?  Right there. See it?!"  Very cute and probably a stage most 2 year old little girls go through, but I knew it was time to set some guidelines with her about what kind of owies actually require a band-aid.

Anyway, so the weeks went by with one child picking her scabs and bleeding everywhere, and the other one wishing she was bleeding so she could get a band-aid!  It was in the midst of feeling like I might lose it with these two that God answered my prayer.  As He has done so many times, He used the thing I was focusing on with my kids to teach me about myself.

So one day while cleaning up Hannah's blood that was all over the floor and racking my brain of how I could get her to stop picking at her scabs - how to get her to completely heal - I realized I was a picker too.  Unlike Hannah I was not a picker of physical wounds but of emotional ones.  These hurtful situations were popping into my head and instead of reminding myself instantly that I had already forgiven and let go of it, I picked at it.  I allowed it to stay, allowed it to play out in my head, allowed the bad feelings to come back.  I picked apart what they said, what I said, what was done, what I should've said and done ... pick, pick, pick ... tormenting my own mind.  The sad reality that became very clear to me is that, just like Hannah, we can re-open a wound so many times that we risk infection.  We risk our own minds struggling with thought patterns that seem to always lead us back to the injustices this life has dealt us.  We can pick off everything the Holy Spirit attempts to do to bring healing in that area.  We can continue to pick until something that could have easily healed and left no mark becomes a huge ugly scar, and that scar becomes a part of the way we see ourselves, we see others, we see life.

Which brings me to Emma and her band-aids.  If there's something I've learned from my 15 years of being a special needs mom it's that there will always be opportunities to be offended.  I didn't start my journey feeling this way.  It just happened over time.  Owies began to accumulate and many times from the same source.  Without even realizing it, I began to subconsciously anticipate the people and places I would likely encounter being hurt.  My expectation of an owie was so solidified I began to bring Neosporin and band-aids with me everywhere I went. Scab, bug bite, red spot, and yes, the invisible owie - the offense never intended, but the one I took because I'd begun to look for them. My ultra-sensitivity to the situation with my children had seeped into me, transforming me into an ultra-sensitive person.  First Corinthians 13:5 and 7 tell us that love "is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it" and "is ever ready to believe the best of every person."

Gosh, I can't tell you how anxious it makes me just to put this on paper and even think about putting it out there for others to read!  Vulnerability like this can be scary, and yet I just know I'm not alone in this.  If posting this leads to even one person seeing themselves and trusting in the faithfulness of God to help them strip off their old nature and put on their new one, it will be worth it.  Because my friend, God does not want us to live like this.  We want to tell ourselves we are protecting ourselves. We are preparing for what we know will happen because it always does, but truly this is fear masquerading as wisdom.  This imprisoned way of thinking is not anywhere near the freedom we can have and are supposed to have in Christ. However, living in freedom requires being proactive.

I've come to learn that the mind can be in one of two states ... active or passive.  An active mind is either positive or negative.  A passive mind thinks on whatever pops into it, and that is just as dangerous as a negative mind.  God's word is very specific about our thoughts, especially if we want to experience peace.  "For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things (fix your minds on them). Practice what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and model your way of living on it, and the God of peace will be with you." (Phil. 4:8-9)  You see, it's not enough to empty ourselves of the negative.  We must then be purposeful, active, and diligent to replace it with the positive.

The amazing news is we are not alone in doing this!  As my Bible study class wraps up our study on Colossians the one phrase I have carried away is to continually seek and set.  "If then you have been raised with Christ, aim at and SEEK the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.  And SET your minds and keep them SET on what is above, not on the things that are on the earth.  For you have died, and your new life is hidden with Christ in God.  When Christ, Who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory." (Col. 3:1-4)   Everything God does for is, in us, through us is an incredible act of His grace - not something that can be earned. It's because of His great grace, as we seek and set our eyes on Jesus, we can be certain that even as He speaks to us through things as random as scabs, scars, and band-aids, He is lovingly and faithfully transforming us into His image - a work that will come to full completion when we appear with Him in glory!

I can think of no better way to wrap up this blog than this prayer by Stormie Omartian.
"Take my selfishness, impatience, and irritability and turn them into kindness, long-suffering, and the willingness to bear all things.  Take my emotional habits, mindsets, automatic reactions, rude assumptions, and self-protectiveness, and make me patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, and self-controlled.  Take the hardness of my heart and break down the walls with Your battering ram of revelation.  Give me a new heart and work in me Your love, peace, and joy.  I am not able to rise above who I am at this moment. Only You can transform me.  In Jesus name I pray. Amen."

Jesus Works at Taco Bell

"My soul, wait only upon God and silently submit to Him; for my hope and expectation are from Him."  Ps. 62:5

I vividly remember it.  It was Monday, March 19, 2012.  The previous month Gabe had been diagnosed with Autism, and I had begun the process to get him enrolled in the early childhood ESE program through the county.  We had agreed it best for Gabe to start school after spring break.

Spring break came and went in the blur it usually is as the wife of a CPA.  The week culminated in the breaking of a snow globe in Gabe's bedroom.  An item I had purchased for my oldest child's nursery, I had intended on passing it along to my firstborn grandchild.  As I picked up the broken pieces, the disappointment I felt seemed to unearth the deeper disappointment of life.  These cracked pieces weren't of some material possession but of hopes, dreams, and expectations that seemed to continually crumble.

That Monday while the kids were at school, I ran some errands and stopped at Taco Bell for lunch.  I placed my order, got my drink, and sat down to wait for my number to be called.  As I pondered the past week's events, I asked God to help me deal with my feelings of disappointment.  I specifically remember wondering how to deal with continual disappointment and yet have faith about the future.  I was thinking these thoughts when for some reason I happened to look down at my receipt where something remarkable caught my eye.  My cashier's name was Jesus.  Jesus!

In that moment, this is what was impressed upon me.

"Look at the way you went in and confidently placed your order.  Look at the way you got a drink to stay refreshed while you waited.  Look at the ease and carefree way you waited for your order.  Have you not confidently placed an order with Me as well?  Are you not refreshed and sustained by My Living Waters while you wait?  Why are you more anxious about receiving from Me than from man?  Were you even once worried you wouldn't get what you ordered for lunch?

Me: Thinking of Hannah and now of Gabe ... "But God, I didn't get what I ordered."

"What will you do if you don't get what you ordered for lunch?

Me:  "I'll show them my receipt.  What I ordered - what I paid for."

And then it clicked!  My receipt for Hannah and Gabe is the Cross, God's Word, the blood of Jesus!  In the Amplified Bible, Hebrews 11:1 tells us "faith is the assurance (the confirmation, the TITLE DEED) of things we hope for, being the proof of things we do not see and the conviction of their reality."   (Emphasis mine.)

At this point my eyes were filled with tears. I was hoping no one was noticing, and if they did, hopefully they would just think my food was extra spicy!

"You have been patiently accepting, but I need  you to be patiently expecting!"

Pondering the difference between the two, I realized patient acceptance might have walked out of Taco Bell had the order not been filled in a timely manner.  Patient acceptance might have taken whatever was handed to them and never questioned by way of proof of a receipt.

Conversely, patient expectancy knows the order will be filled, as ordered.  Patient expectancy rests in the proof of purchase! It knows what is rightfully his, and nothing short of leaving the building will stop the order from coming to pass.

What a revelation that day!  What a message about patiently accepting versus patiently expecting!  Yes, Jesus works at Taco Bell, (and I'm so glad he does!  I'm certain I wouldn't have received this message if my cashier's name had been Henry!) And the truth is Jesus can work anywhere!

My friend, has life handed you more disappointments than you care to count?  Do you wonder how to have expectant hope for the future in spite of having to accept all that has been dealt to you?  Be encouraged today!  Jesus is your hope!  He is a firm foundation!  He is a rock and fortress - a strong tower!  He is your shield and portion!  He is your Savior and Redeemer!  He is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords - the very King of Glory!  Rest in the proof of all He has purchased!  ( Ps. 103:1-2) Don't get weary about when you will collect on it.  His blood has sealed the deal!  The title deed is yours, and it is stamped "PAID IN FULL!"  Oh the faith we can have in His great grace and lavish love! 

"Whereas this One Christ, after He had offered a single sacrifice for our sins for all time, sat down at the right hand of God, then to wait until His enemies should be made a stool beneath His feet." (Heb. 10:12-13)  Jesus is patiently expecting, and my friend, we are to patiently expect too.

Gently Led - Happy Mother's Day 2016

"He will feed His flock like a shepherd: He will gather the lambs in His arms, He will carry them in His bosom and will gently lead those that have their young."  Isaiah 40:11

I have spoken with a lot of moms since becoming one myself nearly 17 years ago, and the thing I hear most often is their concern over not spending enough time in God's word. Moms understand the importance of being divinely led, and they want to be.  However in the back of their mind there seems to be this tendency to think they have to clock in a certain amount of time with God to receive that benefit.  This is simply not true.  Don't get me wrong.  If and when you have time, pray and read your Bible.  However, if you're beating yourself up because you only have 5 minutes a day to do a quick devotional, and your prayer time is an exercise in multitasking (ie, in the shower, while you drive, while you clean the house, etc.), stop it!

The truth is God not only made mothers and children.  He made motherhood!  He is aware of how much it takes out of us to be good mothers.  He sees the sleepless nights because the baby won't stop crying.  He sees the countless times of reviewing multiplication facts because the 8 year old just doesn't get it.  He sees the endless cooking, cleaning, and laundry that must be kept up with.  He sees the hour long conversation with the tween over their hurt feelings.  He sees the life lesson counseling of the teenager who is struggling to juggle the stretching demands.  And that is all "typical" parenting.  If you are an adoptive parent, a foster parent, a step parent, single mom, special needs parent, or a parent with your own medical issues - He sees you.  He knows fully every struggle you are experiencing. He created motherhood, and He is intimately aware of each of our individual motherhood walks.

Let's look at that scripture again. "He will feed His flock like a shepherd." That is provision ... providing for your needs.  "He will gather the lambs in His arms."  That is protection.  "He will carry them in His bosom." That is comfort.  "And will gently lead those that have their young."  That is guidance and direction.  What an incredible promise to those of us with young!  We are trying to lead our young, but let us be aware that it requires us to be led also.  I love that it's a gentle leading.  You don't think God understands the weariness motherhood can produce?  I do! Motherhood is a beautiful picture of giving to our children the very things we have graciously received from our Heavenly Father.

I remember when Hannah was first diagnosed back in 2003.  I couldn't get enough of God's word.  I couldn't spend enough time with Him.  I was absolutely desperate for daily bread from Him.  However, I had a child who just wanted to sit in my lap and watch Disney movies.  She would fixate on a certain movie, and that would be the movie of choice for weeks on end.  At first I enjoyed our time watching the movie together.  Then I felt like I should be doing something more spiritual with my time. I mean there's only so many times you can watch the Lion King!  It had gotten to the point where my son and I could quote the movie lines and sing all the songs.  These movies started to become a real chore, and I was struggling to be my daughter's movie date.

And then one day something pretty incredible happened.  You see, recently the Holy Spirit had been teaching me what it meant to be Spirit led.  (Up to that point I had always been someone who had to take a poll about what everyone thought I should do before I could make a decision.)  At the time, Hannah happened to be on a Finding Nemo kick.  There we were sitting in the rocking chair when the scene with Dory speaking to the whale began.  Dory is convinced she can speak whale, and Marlin is certain she cannot.  They are asking for directions to Sydney when suddenly they are pulled into the whale's mouth.  Dory is enjoying the whooshing ride of waves inside the whale while Marlin is freaking out.  Then the water level starts to drop and Dory tells Marlin the whale has said to move to the back of his throat which has Marlin convinced they will be eaten.  So as these two fish are hanging onto what appear to be taste buds on the whales tongue, Dory then tells Marlin the whale has said it's time to let go which she happily does.  Marlin however, catches her fin.  "How do you know something bad isn't gonna happen?!" he exclaims.  "I don't,"she replies.  Tightly closing his eyes, he lets go.  Out the whale's blow-hole they go to find themselves in the harbor of Sydney, Australia.  Exactly where they wanted to go!

In that moment I received such a clear picture of what a spirit led life looks like.  Others may not understand what you are doing and why you are doing it.  Heck!  You may not understand what you are doing and why you are doing it!  Being Spirit led many times can involve following unconventional methods.  Once we've asked God for His leading we are to trust He's leading us, even if it doesn't look like "the right way."  When you are Spirit led you can have perfect peace, even without understanding.  Be aware that others may not be able to embrace the plan or peace you have. After all, you're the one who received the leading, not them.  People may question your ability to be Spirit led, and that's fine.  But don't let it stop you from acting on what you feel led to do.  Someone may pose a valid question ... "How do you know something bad isn't going to happen?!"  And it's okay to not know the answer.  The simple truth is sometimes it takes more faith to let go than to hold on.  We will not know which path to take if we are not being Spirit led.

What a timely, much needed lesson - and from watching a Disney movie for the hundredth time!  I'm certain those thoughts were no where near the intent of the writer, but God can use ANYTHING to speak to us.  And that is the point of this blog.  If you are a mama and you feel like life has you running a million different directions, please know God is always speaking.  God is not looking at a time card.  He is looking on your heart, and He knows if your greatest heart's desire is to know His heart in a situation.  He will be faithful to show you in whatever way He wills.  If your only moments of down time are watching your child at swim practice or sitting in the carpool line, know that He knows that.  God Almighty can speak to you through the crack of a baseball bat, a pile of dirty laundry, or a sign on the side of a road.  Pray to have eyes that are open and ears that are listening.  Look for ways He is confirming what He has shown you in scripture.  He will, and it is pretty awesome when you realize the God of the universe is gently leading you.

Happy Mother's Day, dear friend!  Have a beautifully blessed day!

*I would love to hear your stories about being gently led!  Please leave them under the comments section.  For those of you on my Facebook blog page, feel free to leave yours there.  Let's encourage each other by rehearsing the faithfulness of God in our motherhood journeys!  God Bless!