The Life That Keeps Their Eyes on Jesus: A Tribute to My Mother

 

My mother was a remarkable woman. As I think about her most defining qualities, loving and nurturing stand out. Mom was a born nurturer and possessed the gift of discernment that is so needed to effectively nurture, and she excelled at anything remotely related to it. The obvious being her children. Mom loved children and actually preferred their company over adults. She could read a child like a book and always seemed to know what they needed. She knew if we needed a hug, a word of encouragement, a scolding, or a swat (or several swats) on our backside. And she spared nothing she truly knew we needed. I can hear her saying “I wouldn’t be doing my job as your mother if I let you get away with that.”

 

Her homemaking abilities were an extension of this gift of nurturing. Cleanliness, organization, home-cooked meals, and wholesome entertainment were all ways she provided an ample environment for her children to grow. My mother’s home was always neat, tidy, and meticulously clean. As us girls grew we all had our Saturday morning job that we did while listening to Christian music play from dad’s old turntable. All of us girls remember her saying, “Cleanliness is next to godliness.” (In case you’re curious, that scripture can be found in the Book of Marilyn.)

 

Another example of mom’s gift of nurturing was her garden. Mom had the most beautiful flowers, and just like with her children she always knew what they needed! She could grow anything and bring anything back from the brink of death. She watered, weeded, pruned, and even talked to her flowers. She always said they were like little faces looking up at her, thanking her for a drink. Hannah and Gabe love their classic Disney movies, and every time they watch the flowers in Alice in Wonderland sing “In the Golden Afternoon” I can’t help but think of mom.

 

You know, the Bible says “out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” so I thought it might be insightful to share some “Marilynisms” with you. (Grand kids, pay close attention. You may hear your mom in some of these.)

 

-“You can do it. You come from good stock.”

-(When breaking up a sibling spat) “One day your sister will be your best friend.”

-(Before a spanking) “This hurts me more than it hurts you.”

-(Usually in reference to cleaning) “If you’re not gonna do it right, then don’t do it at all.” Apparently this was a figure of speech and not an actual choice. Ask me how I know!

-That must have been when she closed the loop hole with, “Anything worth doing is worth doing right, the first time.

-(On marriage and family) “The man is the head of the home, but the woman is the heart.”

-(On raising children) “Your children are a reflection of you.” (She also would say) “Children feed off of you. If you’re ok, they’ll be ok.”

 -(When encouraging us you would hear any one of these) “It will all come together. It will all work out. This too shall pass.”

-These next 2 aren’t quotes but were just so much a part of who my mom was and how she functioned that I have to share them. My mother could tolerate just about anything from us girls, but the one thing she did not tolerate was disrespect. Especially a lippy mouth! It was her trigger. Like, if you ever wanted to see someone go from Mary Poppins to the Incredible Hulk in 2.7 seconds, go there!

-My mother could give directions like no other person I’ve ever known. Let me see if I can come up with an example that does it justice … Ok, so you get out on the main drag and go down quite a ways. Then turn right at the yellow building that’s just passed the large oak tree; oh, and that cute little nursery with the pretty bugenvilija growing out front. But if you pass the flag pole you’ve gone too far.

-Mom was notorious for her ESP hindsight remarks too, and they always started with, “I just knew …”

-Along the same vain was “I wasn’t gonna say anything, but …” proceeded by exactly what she wasn’t going to say.

-When mom was going through breast cancer treatment and we talked about outcomes, I remember her saying, “Either way, I win.”

-On her birthday January of 2020, when I asked her if she wanted to have another birthday or just go home to be with Jesus she said, “I want whatever the Lord wants.” My mom didn’t just have faith; she had surrendered faith. A faith that knows God is a God of the miraculous as nothing is impossible for Him coupled with knowing God is a God of the mysterious as His thoughts and ways are higher than ours.

-This last one was something she said often to help redirect our focus in times of trouble. As an adult, she also wrote it as a reminder in every birthday card I ever got from her; “Keep your eyes on Jesus.”

 

And it’s this “Marilynism” that I believe really defined my mom’s life. You see, mom did not live an easy life. She had more than her fair share of traumatic events and many heartbreaks. As a child it was easy to take my mom’s resilience for granted, but as an adult this is the quality I admire most about her. She was steadfast, long-suffering, and had the patience of a saint; in a word – persevering. Looking back on my mom’s life; how does one face so many challenges and difficulties with such calm and ease? How does one choose to repeatedly forgive and offer another chance with such grace and dignity? How does one do all those things and still do all the other things she did? And as I ponder this I believe the truth is found in those 5 little words that became her motto … Keep Your Eyes on Jesus. Simply put, mom’s life path had made her an expert on abiding.

 

You know, God reveals Himself in His creation, and whether consciously or subconsciously, I believe mom found peace and tranquility in her garden because it illustrated Biblical truth to her. As she pruned plants, her soul identified with Jesus as the vine, her as the branch, and God as the Master Gardener of it all. Pruning requires skill. Cutting off something that’s dead is beginner level gardening. But trimming away what’s healthy and producing so it will produce more?  That’s master level gardening. I can imagine momma both lovingly and skillfully trimming a plant. I can even hear her say, “This hurts me more than it hurts you, but you wait and see you’ll be even more beautiful because of it.” I wonder if the Lord ever whispered those words back to her soul as He trimmed things from her life. I’ve experienced it too many times in my own personal walk to think for 2 seconds that He didn’t. And I think it was what gave her peace, strength, and the ability to trust.

 

As I went back over what I wrote for dad’s service almost 9 years ago in preparation to write this, I found a common theme. Grace. It is certainly not lost on me that if indeed dad was the recipient of such lavish grace, it was only the grace of God that allowed mom to pour it out to him. And this is the result of one who lives a life with their eyes on Jesus. This is the display of one who has submitted to God’s ways over their own; who has chosen to abide in Him and knows from start to finish their faith is only a result of Christ within them and nothing they can take credit for themselves. It is a humility that deeply grasps “but for the grace of God, there go I” another saying of mom’s. One who lives their life with their eyes on Jesus realizes they are not the source but a vessel. And oh what freedom is found there because it’s only in that knowledge that the striving ceases and we enter God’s rest.

 

Everything mom needed to live her life the Lord poured out on her as she looked to Him, abiding in Him knowing apart from God she could do nothing, but in Him, she could do anything she was called to do.

 

What a life! What a journey! What a spiritual marathon! What an example she set, and what a legacy she leaves for us. Lord, thank you for the gift of my mother. I could not have chosen a better one. And mom, goodness how I love you and already miss you, but I know there’s a part of you that will always be with me until we are together again.

 

 

Crisis of Faith

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."  - Romans 8:28

Have you ever been there? You know, where what you've always believed of God is not lining up with what you are experiencing of God? I think every believer can pinpoint a moment where their faith has been tested and refined. And gosh, is it hard?! An unfaithful spouse, a wayward child, a bankruptcy or foreclosure, some sort of abuse, a diagnosis, an untimely death of a loved one. When things like these hit our lives we better believe Satan would like nothing more than to allow it to pull us away from God. To be angry with God. To decide God is not trustworthy. And if all those things go unchecked, eventually for us to denounce God. Make no mistake, friend. Satan's goal is to steal, kill, and destroy just as John 10:10 says. He will steal that precious thing from you. He will try to use it to kill your relationship with God as you mull over all your questions about why God allowed it and why He didn't stop it. And He will wait for you to decide to walk away from God over it, destroying the promise of heaven for you - an eternal damnation of your soul. Satan is cunning, He is patient, and He is a complete deceiver, manipulator, and liar. (John 8:44).  It's who he is. It's how he works.

So how do we stop this from happening? First, recognize seasons when you are "at risk." Have you recently experienced a tragedy, a loss, a disappointment. Something that keeps coming up in you? Something you can't quite shake? Something that's causing you to become angry, bitter, to question God about? Even more dangerous signs are you've stopped praying, reading your Bible, going to church. Maybe you can't even listen to a pastor or praise and worship music anymore because you are so upset that the words are not lining up with what you are experiencing about God? Maybe you've even isolated yourself? Recognize you are at risk and acknowledge it to God.

Second, grieve. Grieve the loss of that thing. Allow yourself to genuinely mourn the person, the relationship, the life you thought you would have. Be real with yourself and take your real feelings to God. Friend, He already knows everything you are thinking and feeling. (Ps. 94:11). He is big enough to handle your feelings and your questions. Go to Him with them. DO NOT allow them to take you away from Him. The Biblical accounts of Jacob (Genesis 32) and Job are two wonderful examples of wrestling with God, of getting real with Him. You'll notice God doesn't shy away. He doesn't sugarcoat their experience. He stays right there with them, and makes Himself known. Not answers always known. Always Himself known. 

I realize where you sit right now that may seem like little to no consolation, but can I tell you something, promise you something, God is really all you need. Outside of experiencing this for yourself, I know it sounds like some spiritual platitude, but hear me out. God's assurance in an uncertain situation is really what you need. God's forgiveness, mercy, and grace in the things you get wrong is really what you need. God's faithfulness in the midst of devastation is really what you need. God's presence in the fire of troubles or pit of hopelessness is really what you need. God's peace that passes all understanding when you can't make heads or tails out of life is really what you need. The hope that only God's promises bring is really what you need. His deep and abiding love which nothing can separate you from is really what you need. You really need what only He can give you! 

The very best way to get to know Him and rehearse who He is in preparation for or in the midst of difficult times is to read His Word. In dark times we are tempted to define God by our feelings, by our pain, by our experiences. Don't do it! It's a trap of the enemy. That is the time to take every thought captive just as 2 Corinthians 10:5 instructs. But how can you take every thought captive if you don't KNOW the truth of God's Word? Get in your Bible and allow it to define who God is.

Well, at this point you might have guessed that I too have experienced a crisis of faith. If you're new to this blog, my crisis of faith happened back in 2003 when my now 20 year old daughter was diagnosed with Autism. I spent about 2 years of my life experiencing many of the things I listed above. I was so depressed. So much so that I look back now and it's all a blur. I honestly don't really know how I made it through other than God's faithfulness. (Totally ironic, huh?) I remember feeling like everything I ever thought I knew about God was being stripped away, and my only vivid memory was the day I came face to face with wondering if I could even count on salvation being real! Yes, it got that bad. As I sat  in a crumpled heap in the middle of my daughter's bedroom floor the cross came to my mind. Good Friday. The willingness of Jesus to give His life in such a horrific way. The love of a Savior, MY Savior, that held Him there enduring hours of an excruciating death. The best way I know to describe the experience I had in that moment is the song lyrics by Chris Tomlin, "And if I never, never lose sight of this place. I will never, never lose sight of Your grace. Your cross is all, All I need to see. Oh, praise the God of Calvary." 

This year, today in fact, Good Friday just happens to coincide with the day the world observes Autism Awareness. Oh my! Oh goodness! I love that the thing that caused a crisis of faith for me is falling on the day that solidified my faith. I love that they are meeting face to face again. I love that undoubtedly and undeniably my faith, because it was tested, is so much stronger. That it easily wins out in expectant anticipation of all God has promised because of all Jesus did. I love that I know that one day very soon, whether this life or the next and for all eternity, the knee of Autism will bow to the name of Jesus, the Name above all other names! (Phil. 2:10). I love that I know this victory in Jesus is mine, is my daughter's, and now my son's who was also diagnosed with Autism in 2012. And I think God loves that I can rejoice in it NOW. I think God looks down and says, "That's my girl, my daughter." Oh, how we make our Father proud and honor Him when we trust completely with blind faith even when we don't have all the answers or the time table. (Heb. 11:6).  And oh, how utterly confounded and defeated our enemy is when he sees his demonic schemes have not worked and that we are actually bringing more glory to God than if he would have never messed with us to begin with! (Phil 1:28) Don't you love that? I do! 

On this Good Friday can I tell you too that it both humbles and comforts me that I can identify with Jesus' disciples that also experienced a crisis of faith all those years ago. Jesus warned them the night before that they would all fall away, and they all vehemently denied such a thing would happen. I'm sure they too felt that what they thought they knew about Jesus was not lining up with what was happening. God already knows the things that will happen in our life that will cause a crisis of faith for us. He knows that Satan intends to sift us like grain, but He also intercedes on our behalf that our faith not fail and that "when you yourself have turned again, strengthen and establish your brethren." (Luke 22:31-32). These Biblical accounts of those who came before us should serve to prepare us that we too are likely to face situations that God intends to use in a similar way. The purifying of our faith is never all about us. God has a bigger picture in mind! Turn again and strengthen and establish your brothers and sisters in their spiritual walks.

You know, I heard a pastor say once that Christians don't get different life experiences than everyone else; they get the same life experiences but walk them out differently. That's what should set us apart from the world - how we allow God to help us handle what we are given. Believe me, when others watch you walk out the same stuff they are going through but with peace, hope, contentment, and even joy they want to know what's different about you - what you have that they don't have. God gets glory in that, and our lives become a living sacrifice when they do that. 

So, what's your crisis of faith? Friend, stop beating yourself up over what you cannot do for yourself, and take it to the foot of the cross. Surrender it to Him along with all your feelings about it, rest in all He's already done for you, and know He's not done working in that situation. (Phil. 1:6). Know that as surely as His Sunday came, your Sunday is coming too! God wants to use your experience. He wants to use you. There is a lost, hurting, fearful, and dying world out there, and Jesus doesn't just have what they need - He IS what they need! Will you allow Him to work this thing for your good? Will you be a willing vessel for His glory? Will you surrender your will for His Kingdom plans and purposes? You can trust Him with all of it. You're His child. He loves you!

Need proof? 

Look no further than the cross of Calvary. 

*God of Calvary by Chris Tomlin, 2016

 

Perspective

"We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses."  -Abraham Lincoln

Perspective. It's a powerful thing because your perspective is your reality. Where we get in trouble is thinking our perspective is truth. Perspective can be based in fact but not necessarily truth. (And by the way I must insert here to beware of new age thinking about "speaking your truth." By all means, speak your perspective, but know there is only one truth. As Believers we must constantly be in that Truth, seeking that Truth, and getting into agreement with the Truth.)

When I started this blog site back in 2012 my main reason was to help me process this journey and to help in documenting my kid's progress. Now, 8 years later, I'm realizing I'm really documenting my own process of a perspective shift in coming to terms with my divine assignment of "special needs mom." Don't get me wrong, the kids have progressed ... some. Gabe has made the most gains as he now has some language when he wants something and is prompted to communicate his needs. And just this past week I got to see my husband play catch with his 10 year old son for the very first time!! I nearly cried, but didn't as I was sure it would lead to tears from my hubby as well. But we both felt the bigness of this milestone ... a connected, turn-taking, enjoyable shared experience, and it was so precious.

In many ways we have our daughter, Hannah, to thank for the perspective shift that ushered in the full enjoyment of that experience. Progress for her has been small and very "one step forward, two steps back." Most of the changes we've seen with her have been behavioral rather than academic and possibly only the product of maturation. None the less, we are still grateful as it has brought much relief to our family and how we function.

When she was first diagnosed my perspective was "She will live with us forever. We will never be empty nester's. We won't be able to travel in our retirement years." Pretty selfish thoughts, I know, but I was grieving what I thought my life would look like. Then came puberty and some of the scariest behaviors you could imagine!! My heart sank realizing if this continued there was no way she could stay in our home long term. Now she is in such a different place it's amazing, and I gladly see a future with her in our home.

I'm pretty sure God knew that hard season had to happen. It had to be part of our experience in order to change our perspective. And truthfully, the more I've thought on it, it seems perspective far outranks circumstances on God's priority list of things to change. It's not that God doesn't care about our circumstances. He does! It's that if He can teach us His truth, His perspective, on how to look at life's circumstances then there is absolutely nothing this fallen world and Satan can throw at us that cannot be overcome. As hard as this is to accept about His ways it is truly beautiful. Imagine one's surprise in starting out a journey that they are certain will conclude one way (the only way they think they can find happiness), only to find joy and contentment in a completely different outcome!

This is the result of God changing perspective, not circumstances, and it reminds me of Mark 4:26-27 the kingdom of God is like a man who scatters seed upon the ground and then continues sleeping and rising night and day while the seed sprouts and grows and increases - HE KNOWS NOT HOW. Many times in my life I've looked back and wondered how I've gotten this far, what produced such change in my life that I hardly recognize the person I once was, and what I do recognize of the old me that is now gone, I'm so incredibly thankful for! It is mostly a gradual process and yet there are moments I can pinpoint as markers along the way. The end of 2019 brought about one of those marker moments.

My husband and I knew a move was coming. As we anticipated this move my prayer was "Please not December, Lord. Not Christmas. It's such a busy time, God. November would be good! But please pick any month but December." (I'm chuckling as I type this because I know you already know what I'm gonna say next!!) To my dismay but not to my surprise our move ended up being the first week in December. I remember my husband delivering the news to me and confess of my pity-party prayer to God later that day which went something like this ... "Thanks a lot, God. There are 11 other months in the year to choose from, but noooo. It couldn't be one of those months! It just had to be December. Why, God? You know all the challenges our family has, how hard this transition will be for the kids, and all the extra work of the holidays, but You'd have us move in December just before Christmas! Why?" (I'm still chuckling because some of you are laughing knowing exactly what I mean and others are pretending they've never had a conversation like that with God!)

Anyway, in that moment I was stuck on Christmas ... stuck on our family spending Christmas in transition. Transition.

Christmas

in

transition.

As a special needs mom I already have a love/hate relationship with that word. Ask any special needs parent and they'll tell you transitions are one of the biggest things our kiddos struggle with. And here I am, a grown "typical" (whatever that is) woman, and I am struggling with Christmas in transition. 

It was then in God's mercy that He flashed scenes of the first Christmas in my mind. Of Joseph. Of Mary. Of the unborn Savior. Of the long journey to Bethlehem. A journey they didn't want to make but had to make. The first Christmas was a Christmas in transition, and not only in the physical sense that I'm describing to you! The first Christmas was a spiritual transition! Think about it. It changed EVERYTHING!!! And suddenly the Holy Spirit's loving reprimand of this mom's pity party brought a peace and a calm and a knowing that everything would be all right. That this move was exactly when it needed to be, and that it would change everything.

I'm still in awe as I look back over how our move all came together. All the obstacles that had to be overcome. All the people who stepped up to help our family. A dear friend pointed out that as much as my children love Christmas this might be the perfect time to move! Seeing the Christmas tree and decorations might actually help make the transition from the only home they have ever known to the new one much easier, and as she spoke those words I knew she was right.

The kids have adjusted seemingly effortlessly. Our family had one of the sweetest Christmases I can remember, and all it took was an adjustment in perspective. My perspective. Thank you, Lord, for your willingness to challenge my perspective in order for me to live in Your Truth.

Fair Feathered Faith

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5

While sitting at breakfast a few weeks ago, my little Kindergartner Emma, was telling me all about bones in the body. She excitedly prattled on about her arm bones, leg bones, tummy bones, and head bones. Looking down at our dog, who always patiently sits under the table waiting for something yummy to drop, she said, "Mommy, do dogs have bones?"

I responded in the affirmative as I quickly Googled dog skeletons for her to see. She then wanted to see a cat skeleton ... and a mouse skeleton ... etc, etc. It slowly evolved into a game of me showing her a skeleton and her guessing what animal it was. Fun and educational. A win-win! And then I showed her a peacock skeleton. She knew it was a bird but struggled with what one. So I finally told her what it a was.

"A peacock! What's a peacock?" she asked.

Stunned at her answer, because peacocks roam wild where we live here in Florida, I pulled up a picture of one on my phone. Oh my goodness! She could hardly contain her enthusiasm as she viewed the pics of the beautiful bird and all its showy feathers. She went on and on about how beautiful she was; how colorful she was; how lovely she was. And then I told her it wasn't a "she." It was actually a "he." 

"Would you like to see the girl peacock?" I asked.

" Yes!!!" This mommy could read her girl like a book. In that little mind I could hear ... If that's the BOY, I can't wait to see the GIRL!! While envisioning a pink and purple feathered bird with sparkles and rainbows!!

I pulled up the pic and handed her my phone. My heart almost broke as my daughter's face dropped into complete and utter disappointment. She stood there staring at the male and female bird side by side in quiet disbelief. She literally could not speak.

"I know, Sweetie. It just doesn't seem fair, does it?" I empathized.

"No. It doesn't." Was all she could manage to get out.

I jumped in. "But let me tell you how amazing God is in making the girl this way! That girl peacock will be a mommy peacock. She will live on the ground caring for, feeding, and protecting her babies. If a dangerous animal comes along, one that might try to eat her or her babies, she can hide herself and her babies because her colors blend in with the ground. If she was as bright and colorful as the daddy peacock she wouldn't be able to hide, and she and her babies would not survive."

Although I could tell she was processing the logic in what I was saying, the disappointed look did not leave her face. To her, that trade off was clearly hard to accept. And as she walked away to go play, flashbacks of things I've clearly struggled to accept played in my head. You know, thinking things would be one way and they ended up not even close? A wise person once said the depth of one's disappointment is in direct correlation to the distance between their expectation and reality. I could not agree more!

However, it is those same disappointments that cause us to realize God wants to be way more than a Fair Weather Friend to us and loves us way too much to leave us with Fair Feathered Faith. You know, able to praise Him when all is well but blame Him when things go wrong? Disappointments are opportunities to decide where our focus will be. Will it be on the disappointment as we stare at the chasm between expectation and reality, or will we choose to lean not on our own understanding trusting the One who sovereignly allows things to pass through His hands? Sometimes it is hard to reconcile a God who has the power to change our circumstances and yet chooses not to. The challenge is trusting that His greater good does not have to involve the answers we desperately seek and pleadingly pray for. For some this is a hard thing to do. For other's, an easier one. For me? Not hard but a continual process. Every time the questions come I must choose to lay them at His feet in complete surrender. 

As I sat contemplating the lesson of that peacock that morning Matthew 6:26 popped in my head. "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" 

Lord, whether we understand Your ways or not, You have Your reasons. And if you cared enough to make that mommy peacock homely to fulfill her purpose, how much more can I and should I trust You in making my two children with special needs just as they are? Once again, Lord, I choose to trust.

Enter Essential Oils

A man's mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure. -Prov. 16:9

It's been said that life is lived in forward and understood in reverse. I've found this to be very true, and it perfectly describes how I started my journey with essential oils.

For those of you who don't know me, I have two children diagnosed with Autism. One in 2003, and the other in 2012. As an Autism mom, or any mom dealing with a diagnosis of which no cause, no cure, and no definite prognosis can be given, you search. Your search usually starts with doctors and therapists. But when unresolved issues linger you are faced with specialists and medications. Although these things have a place in this world, it can be really hard to put your young, developing child on some of these meds. So your search widens to other methods of helping your child. These may include, but certainly are not limited to, special diets (gluten and casein free, eliminating red dye #5 and artificial flavoring, etc.), chelation therapy (removing heavy metals from the body), hyperbaric oxygen chamber treatments (infusing high levels of oxygen to the body) ... and the list goes on and on. However, NONE of these specialized treatments are covered by medical insurance, and families can go broke in all their endeavors to improve their child's life and many times do with no real improvement to show for it.

This was my family's story, and when it happened it was emotionally, physically, and financially devastating. It was at this point that I stopped searching. I stopped trying to do things in my own power and strength. I was depleted! Which in hindsight is exactly where God knew I needed to be. I began to realize God already knew exactly what was going on with my children and exactly what would be most beneficial for their bodies. I realized now more than ever I needed to be spirit led because I was running myself ragged. So I swapped my searching for prayer, and the most amazing thing happened.

It was 2014 when a dear neighbor of mine stopped me one day to ask if I'd ever heard of essential oils. I had but was not very knowledgeable on the topic. I had grown up with a mom that thought Tea Tree Oil could cure anything. (Kind of like the dad in My Big Fat Greek Wedding who sprayed everything with Windex!) So my neighbor sent me some info about oils and talked with me at length about them, but I was a bit of a skeptic at that point.

That summer our family went to a Joni and Friends Family Retreat, a camp especially designed for families affected by disability. There I met a fellow special needs mom who told me about essential oils. She was very passionate about them and gave me a bottle of lemon and lavender ... my first experiences outside of Tea Tree Oil. Later that same evening I received a text from a family member who had recently gotten involved in essential oils. I could hear the excitement through her typed words as she told me about oils and some very powerful testimonies of using them on children with Autism. Now my curiosity was peaked as this "oils thing" kept coming up and this scripture came to mind, "For God does reveal His will; He speaks not only once, but more than once, even though men do not regard it." (Job 33:14) God now had my full attention. After all, I had prayed for Him to direct my path about my children, and it sure looked like He was doing it!

Even in sensing this was the way to go, I had absolutely no clue about essential oils and Autism. I did a little research on line but found it completely overwhelming. It seemed, like most things regarding the Autism Spectrum, it was not a simple one-size fits all kind of thing. Everyone had different testimonies of what worked for their kids. Too mind boggled by the whole thing I set it aside and prayed again that if this was really the path somehow God would lead me in what oils to use and how to use them.

Little did I know that while all this was happening with me, some 1,200 miles away a woman well versed in essential oils, her husband, and their two sons on the Spectrum were putting plans in motion to move to Florida. (Where I live!) They would make the move that fall of 2014, and God would work a divine appointment for our paths to cross. But first He had to further prepare me for essential oils by giving my first "Oh my gosh" experience with them.

*This is actually the first post of my new blog Essential Oils, God, & Me. If you are interested in connecting with this blog you can at eogme.blogspot.com.

Transition to Grace

"For from His fullness we have all received grace upon grace." -John 1:16

Transition.  It's a word special needs parents (and those that work with special kiddos) know all too well.  Even parents of typical kids have experience with it.  It's the two year old who doesn't want to leave the playground to go home. He wants to stay and keep playing.  So with arms flailing and lungs whaling you scoop him up, put him in the car, and leave.  A strong-willed child is tough!

Now imagine this child is 10 or 12 or 14. Imagine a child this age, for various reasons, struggling to transition. Maybe it's because of a sensory issue or because it's a break from the usual "routine," or maybe you cannot even pinpoint why they will not transition. Imagine a child so set in his ways that he will not willingly try new experiences; fun activities such as sliding down a slide or eating pudding or safety issues like leaving a school building for a fire drill.

The ladies that make up my support group have laughed and cried over these experiences. Getting stuck in the McDonald's playground tunnels because we were so determined to get our kid to go down the slide! Trying to hide, disguise, or quickly put a dab of new food on our child's plate or mixing it in with foods they already eat, and then getting the cold shoulder once the offense is discovered. We've had to be a blend of creative, patient, and tenacious in our parenting! And although I could clearly identify my child's struggle with transitioning I seemed to be oblivious to my own.

Enter summer of 2016 which found my family enjoying our third trip to Joni and Friends Family Retreat. We were super excited to attend. In fact when I showed Hannah the social story full of familiar photos of camp, she started pulling out everything she owned to pack!  Meanwhile, our 7 year old OCD driven son was putting everything back in its proper place just as quickly. Ha! Packing was an experience all in itself!

Anyway, the previous year had found me in a funk. I was struggling with this new place God had me. You see, my dad passed away in 2013, and my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's the following year. Like most parents, mine had been a huge support to me and the glue that held the entire family together. This new season was one of feeling like I no longer had a family. I do have siblings, but all of us have families of our own. Some live far away. Some have jobs. Some were busy taking care of our mother, which I was and am incredibly grateful for. But our family dynamic had definitely permanently changed, and for my still young family, it was a difficult adjustment; one I wasn't happy about and struggling to trust God with.

It was at our JAF mom's meeting Thursday morning that another mom opened up about her frustration in dealing with her son's inability to transition ... even to things she knew he would enjoy if he'd just try it. "If he would just trust me," she cried. Gosh, was that a light bulb moment as it felt like God was saying those words to me! Suddenly I realized my children on the spectrum are not the only ones who struggle with transition. As so many times before, God used the mirror of my children's brokenness to show me mine. Why wouldn't I trust God with this new season? Why couldn't I trust that perhaps He was leading me to a new place, one that would lead to more fulfillment and happiness? This was my first glimpse into the fact that I was not the "normal" one dealing with "abnormal" children. I wasn't fully able while my children were disabled. I have my own non-abilities, my own quirks, my own abnormalities. Ones the Lord continually reveals to me through the experiences of my children.

God was really driving His point home with me as about a month later someone asked me what the difference was in having "typical" kids and "special" kids, as I have two of each. My initial response was that I lose my patience much easier with me "typical" kids because they know better than the things they do. Yet, I have tons of patience with my "special" kids because they are disabled. They can't help it!

As that week went on for some reason God would not let that answer go. It seemed in all my quiet time that answer came back to the surface, and I just couldn't figure out why. When one morning while reading in the Book of Romans, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" and, "Where sin abounds, grace abounds all the more" (Rom.3:23, 5:20) another light bulb moment occurred. If all have sinned and fall short, why would I not extend grace equally to all? Why would one who has a physical manifestation of brokenness be extended more grace than one who does not - than one whose brokenness is still just as real, just as present but concealed in a vessel that appears to be unbroken? The truth is God sees our hearts and is continually refining our spirits because they are broken. Imagine with me if we all saw heart and soul disability as our actual physical representations. I think we might all be flabbergasted to know we are all disabled, all broken, and all in need of God's great grace and grace from each other.

This eye-opening moment has caused a shift in how I view my children, and in fact, how I view everyone I come in contact with. I pray I always remember this lesson that the Lord allowed me to have. Extend grace. Extend mercy. Extend love. People are hurting and broken. Life is full of transitions, and people don't need to hear unkind and simplifying sentiments. Do your best to comfort and encourage and leave whatever work that needs to be done to the Lord knowing whether in your life or another's He Who has begun a good work is faithful to complete it. (Phil. 1-6) We are all transitioning by His great grace!

What the Father Says

"Then said the Lord to me, You have seen well, for I am alert and active, watching over My word to perform it."  Jer. 1:12

It was July. I only remember it was July because our AC had broke and we were staying with my husband's mother who graciously welcomed our family of six into her home. That morning I was busy folding laundry while Emma colored at the kitchen table when I heard her become upset. Peaking around the corner into the kitchen I noticed one of her colored pencils had rolled off the table and onto the floor. She was distraught. "My pencil! My pencil! Fall on the floor!" Quickly I finished what I was folding so I could go help her when all of a sudden I heard her say, "It's okay, Emma. Get down and get it."  I watched as she climbed off her chair, retrieved her pencil, and climbed back up again.  Once settled, I heard her say "Good job, Emma!" And without another thought about it, she continued coloring her picture.

A casual on-looker might have seen this and thought, "Oh, how cute!"  A child psychologist might have seen this and thought, "This child can problem solve and self-soothe." And they would both be right!  But as her mother I saw something else. I saw a child who had learned to say what her parent says. Her words were my words. They came up and went out of her mouth to give her both calmness and clarity and encouragement in her dilemma. It was a profound moment to fully realize the impact of my words on her! Not that on some level I haven't always known this, but hearing her speak her thoughts was a window into my ability and responsibility to teach her and to be her example.  It reminded me of a quote by Peggy O'Mara "The way you speak to your child becomes their inner voice." Truly, the powerful impact of a parent's words are undeniable.

This entire scenario got me thinking about my own "self-talk." Just like Emma, the words I speak to myself should be what my parent speaks to me; what my Abba Father speaks to me. His Word is not only His identity but mine because I am in Christ. But oh, how my mind must be continually renewed in this area!  My natural disposition is to say things that run contrary to His Word, but the power to create positive change comes from being in agreement with His Word. So I've borrowed an extensive but certainly not exhaustive list of my, your, our Biblically defined identity in Christ to help us take every thought captive (2 Cor. 10:5). This list can be found in the back of the Armor of God workbook ... a Priscilla Shirer study. (Coincidentally I was doing this study last July when this happened!) I encourage you to print this list off and keep it handy or to write down the scriptures that speak to you most and post them places that you frequent during your day (ie. laundry room, bathroom, car, refrigerator!) ... whatever helps you continually remember who you are and whose you are. I would also encourage you to speak these truths over your children, spouse, and other loved ones. I have been doing these things myself and am finding it very helpful in my thinking and fruit bearing in my loved ones.  Let's start speaking what the Father says knowing His Word is alive and active.(Heb. 4:12) It goes forth to accomplish His will because He is alert, watching over His Word to perform it! (Is. 55:11; Jer. 1:12)

- I am a child of God (John 1:12).
- I have peace with God (Romans 5:1).
- The Holy Spirit lives in me (1 Cor. 3:16).
- I have access to God's wisdom (Jas. 1:5).
- I am helped by God (Heb 4:16).
- I am reconciled to God (Rom. 5:11).
- I am not condemned by God (Rom 8:1).
- I am justified (Rom. 5:1).
- I have Christ's righteousness (Rom. 5:19; 2 Cor. 5:21).
- I am Christ's ambassador (2 Cor. 5:20).
- I am completely forgiven (Col. 1:14).
- I am tenderly loved by God (Jer. 31:3).
- I am the sweet fragrance of Christ to God (2 Cor. 2:15).
- I am a temple in which God dwells (1 Cor. 3:16).
- I am blameless and beyond reproach (Col. 1:22).
- I am the salt of the earth (Matt. 5:13).
- I am the light of the world (Matt. 5:14).
- I am a branch on Christ's vine (John 15:1,5).
- I am Christ's friend (John 15:5).
- I am chosen by Christ to bear fruit (John 15:6).
- I am a joint heir with Christ, sharing His inheritance with Him (Rom 8:17).
- I am united to the Lord, one spirit with Him (1 Cor. 6:17).
- I am a member of Christ's body (1 Cor. 12:27).
- I am a saint (Eph. 1:1).
- I am hidden with Christ in God (Col. 3:3).
- I am chosen by God, holy and dearly loved (Col. 3:12).
- I am a child of the light (1 Thess. 5:5).
- I am holy, and I share in God's heavenly calling (Heb 3:1).
- I am sanctified (Heb 2:11).
- I am one of God's living stones, being built up in Christ as a spiritual house (1 Pet. 2:5).
- I am a member of a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God's own possession and created to sing His praises (1 Pet. 2:9-10).
- I am firmly rooted and built up in Christ (Col. 2:7).
- I am born of God, and the evil one cannot touch me (1 John 5:18).
- I have the mind of Christ (1 Cor. 2:16).
- I may approach God with boldness, freedom, and confidence (Eph. 3:12).
- I have been rescued from Satan's domain and transferred into the kingdom of Christ (Col. 1:13).
- I have been made complete in Christ (Col. 2:10).
- I have been given a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline (2 Tim. 1:7).
- I have been given great and precious promises by God (2 Pet. 1:4).
- My needs are met by God (Phil. 4:19).
- I am a prince (princess) in God's kingdom (John 1:12; 1 Tim. 6:15).
- I have been bought with a price, and I belong to God (1 Cor. 6:19-20).
- I have been adopted as God's child (Eph. 1:5).
- I have direct access to God through the Holy Spirit (Eph 2:18).
- I am assured that all things are working together for good (Rom. 8:28).
- I am free from any condemning charges against me (Rom. 8:31).
- I cannot be separated from the love of God (Rom. 8:35).
- I have been established, anointed, and sealed by God (2 Cor. 1:21-22).
- I am confident that the good work that God has begun in me will be perfected (Phil 1:6).
- I am a citizen of heaven (Phil. 3:20).
- I am a personal witness of Christ's (Acts 1:8).
- I am God's coworker (2 Cor. 6:1; 1 Cor. 3:9).
- I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realm (Eph. 2:6).
- I am God's workmanship (Eph. 2:10).
- I can do all things through Christ, who gives me the strength I need (Phil. 4:13).