Perspective

"We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses."  -Abraham Lincoln

Perspective. It's a powerful thing because your perspective is your reality. Where we get in trouble is thinking our perspective is truth. Perspective can be based in fact but not necessarily truth. (And by the way I must insert here to beware of new age thinking about "speaking your truth." By all means, speak your perspective, but know there is only one truth. As Believers we must constantly be in that Truth, seeking that Truth, and getting into agreement with the Truth.)

When I started this blog site back in 2012 my main reason was to help me process this journey and to help in documenting my kid's progress. Now, 8 years later, I'm realizing I'm really documenting my own process of a perspective shift in coming to terms with my divine assignment of "special needs mom." Don't get me wrong, the kids have progressed ... some. Gabe has made the most gains as he now has some language when he wants something and is prompted to communicate his needs. And just this past week I got to see my husband play catch with his 10 year old son for the very first time!! I nearly cried, but didn't as I was sure it would lead to tears from my hubby as well. But we both felt the bigness of this milestone ... a connected, turn-taking, enjoyable shared experience, and it was so precious.

In many ways we have our daughter, Hannah, to thank for the perspective shift that ushered in the full enjoyment of that experience. Progress for her has been small and very "one step forward, two steps back." Most of the changes we've seen with her have been behavioral rather than academic and possibly only the product of maturation. None the less, we are still grateful as it has brought much relief to our family and how we function.

When she was first diagnosed my perspective was "She will live with us forever. We will never be empty nester's. We won't be able to travel in our retirement years." Pretty selfish thoughts, I know, but I was grieving what I thought my life would look like. Then came puberty and some of the scariest behaviors you could imagine!! My heart sank realizing if this continued there was no way she could stay in our home long term. Now she is in such a different place it's amazing, and I gladly see a future with her in our home.

I'm pretty sure God knew that hard season had to happen. It had to be part of our experience in order to change our perspective. And truthfully, the more I've thought on it, it seems perspective far outranks circumstances on God's priority list of things to change. It's not that God doesn't care about our circumstances. He does! It's that if He can teach us His truth, His perspective, on how to look at life's circumstances then there is absolutely nothing this fallen world and Satan can throw at us that cannot be overcome. As hard as this is to accept about His ways it is truly beautiful. Imagine one's surprise in starting out a journey that they are certain will conclude one way (the only way they think they can find happiness), only to find joy and contentment in a completely different outcome!

This is the result of God changing perspective, not circumstances, and it reminds me of Mark 4:26-27 the kingdom of God is like a man who scatters seed upon the ground and then continues sleeping and rising night and day while the seed sprouts and grows and increases - HE KNOWS NOT HOW. Many times in my life I've looked back and wondered how I've gotten this far, what produced such change in my life that I hardly recognize the person I once was, and what I do recognize of the old me that is now gone, I'm so incredibly thankful for! It is mostly a gradual process and yet there are moments I can pinpoint as markers along the way. The end of 2019 brought about one of those marker moments.

My husband and I knew a move was coming. As we anticipated this move my prayer was "Please not December, Lord. Not Christmas. It's such a busy time, God. November would be good! But please pick any month but December." (I'm chuckling as I type this because I know you already know what I'm gonna say next!!) To my dismay but not to my surprise our move ended up being the first week in December. I remember my husband delivering the news to me and confess of my pity-party prayer to God later that day which went something like this ... "Thanks a lot, God. There are 11 other months in the year to choose from, but noooo. It couldn't be one of those months! It just had to be December. Why, God? You know all the challenges our family has, how hard this transition will be for the kids, and all the extra work of the holidays, but You'd have us move in December just before Christmas! Why?" (I'm still chuckling because some of you are laughing knowing exactly what I mean and others are pretending they've never had a conversation like that with God!)

Anyway, in that moment I was stuck on Christmas ... stuck on our family spending Christmas in transition. Transition.

Christmas

in

transition.

As a special needs mom I already have a love/hate relationship with that word. Ask any special needs parent and they'll tell you transitions are one of the biggest things our kiddos struggle with. And here I am, a grown "typical" (whatever that is) woman, and I am struggling with Christmas in transition. 

It was then in God's mercy that He flashed scenes of the first Christmas in my mind. Of Joseph. Of Mary. Of the unborn Savior. Of the long journey to Bethlehem. A journey they didn't want to make but had to make. The first Christmas was a Christmas in transition, and not only in the physical sense that I'm describing to you! The first Christmas was a spiritual transition! Think about it. It changed EVERYTHING!!! And suddenly the Holy Spirit's loving reprimand of this mom's pity party brought a peace and a calm and a knowing that everything would be all right. That this move was exactly when it needed to be, and that it would change everything.

I'm still in awe as I look back over how our move all came together. All the obstacles that had to be overcome. All the people who stepped up to help our family. A dear friend pointed out that as much as my children love Christmas this might be the perfect time to move! Seeing the Christmas tree and decorations might actually help make the transition from the only home they have ever known to the new one much easier, and as she spoke those words I knew she was right.

The kids have adjusted seemingly effortlessly. Our family had one of the sweetest Christmases I can remember, and all it took was an adjustment in perspective. My perspective. Thank you, Lord, for your willingness to challenge my perspective in order for me to live in Your Truth.