Some time ago I got back into running. I wish I could say it was for my health or to set a good example for my kids. Those reasons are so good and noble. But no. I am ashamed to admit my reason for getting back into running was to pound pavement. I had been very unfairly treated by someone close to me and was struggling with how to handle my hurt feelings, so I ran.
Every morning I would lace up my shoes, set the timer on my watch, and hit "play" on the recording of offense in my mind. I ran the same loop as the same loop ran in my mind ... "God it's just not fair. They did this. They said that. I feel so misunderstood" ...and on and on and on. This went on for about six months, when one day (for some reason) I decided to run the same loop in the opposite direction. With shoes laced, timer set, and my mental tape recorder going I headed out.
About halfway through the loop I came upon the sign at the front of the community where we live. This sign lists all the activities for that month. The way I was running before I had always come upon the sign head on. This time however, I came upon the back of the sign. Just black metal that was rather dusty and dirty in which someone had taken their finger and written "Let it Go!" I knew it was for me. I knew it was God trying to get my attention. I knew He had tried before and now had turned to a literal sign to get it. When I got back in the wooded trails I broke down. Crying out to God I repented of my unforgiveness. No matter how justified I thought I was, I was wrong. I chose right there by God's grace and strength to forgive my offender. I can't tell you how much lighter I felt as I finished my run home that day. I also cannot tell you all the opportunities that opened up to me after this, because the truth is God is ever merciful and faithful in correcting us. He loves us and wants to bless us, but true favor only comes as we are obedient to His commands.
A few weeks later during my quiet time with the Lord, I came across Revelation 12:10. It was the middle of the verse that stood out to me. " ... for the accuser of the brethren, he who keeps bringing before God charges against them day and night ..."
The accuser of the brethren (Satan) who keeps bringing before God charges against the brethren. All of a sudden a flood of conviction due to understanding enveloped me. All those months of pointing out the pain my accuser had caused me had turned me into an accuser of the brethren. Although innocent at the onset, now I was just as guilty because I hadn't done what God commands ... forgive and pray (Mark 11:25, Matt. 5:44). Proverbs 30:10 says "Do not slander a servant to his master or he will curse you, and you will become guilty." Jesus Himself, our example, says in John 5:45 "Do not think that I will accuse you to the Father." This is because Jesus was sent into the world not to judge it but to make a way for salvation (John 3:17). Be assured judgement is coming, and that is exactly why we need salvation through Christ.
To my fellow Believers I ask this, is it possible that the Church has been deceived and manipulated by Satan? Has he laid out bait and set a trap that our flesh too easily falls for? Are we allowing ourselves to be vessels for evil rather than good? My friend, Satan is not omnipresent like God. He cannot be in all places all the time. He cannot cause havoc on earth and stand before God as our accuser at the same time. Could it be that he has cunningly enlisted the help of people, and not just any people, God's people to do his job for him? How gleeful Satan must be knowing he has tricked many! How it must grieve God to see His own people ensnared in such a hoax!
Hebrews 12:1-2 tells us to "throw off every encumbrance and that sin that so readily entangles us and let us run with patient endurance the race that is set before us, looking away to Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith." Church it is time to rise up. It it time to throw off the prideful sin of fault finding and finger pointing before the throne of God. It has diseased the very Body of Christ! It's time to stop the sibling rivalry. It's time to look away to the example of the Author and Finisher of our faith, the first born of many brethren. It's time to put on love. It's time to do what God calls us to do ...PRAY!
Oh Lord, may the sin of our brothers cause us to weep and pray. May we not become chained by offense and unforgiveness. May we choose love which covers instead of pride which exposes. We repent of being blinded to the truth. We repent of being manipulated and used by Satan. We thank you, Jesus that because of Your finished work on Calvary there is not a single accusation Satan can put on any who are in Christ that can't be covered by the blood. The cost of all sin has been paid. "For Whom the Son has set free is FREE indeed!" (John 8:36) We take our stand as the unified Body of Christ and watch as every chain is broken in Jesus mighty Name! Amen!
Thursday, September 10, 2015
Thursday, August 27, 2015
On Display
Summer. For special needs families it's not just a season of humidity but a season of humility. God always uses summer to once again reiterate how much I need Him every second of every day to walk this journey out. I'm slowly learning to embrace this season because I know God is working in me, but it is hard. I know of several other special moms that are in the same boat as me ... more than one child with a disability. This makes it nearly impossible to get out of the house and go places. Imagine going to the park (or anywhere else) with two children that at any moment could take off in opposite directions. How do you split yourself in half to chase after them? It's very difficult. So unless a friend or family member or dad is available you are stuck at home, and the longer the summer goes on the more the walls around you seem to cave in. The kids can feel it too. Other than assimilating to a new schedule, they are excited to get out of the house and go back to school. And let's be honest, so am I. However, this doesn't mean I don't love my kids or that we didn't make some fun memories over the summer.
Without a doubt the highlight of our summer the past two years has been the week we spent in Alabama at Joni and Friends Family Retreat (JAF). JAF is a Christian camp for families who have been affected by disabilities. It's founder is Joni Eareckson Tada who herself became a quadriplegic as a teenager. From the moment you arrive you are embraced as family. Your special children are assigned STMs (Short Term Missions), and your typical children are assigned a buddy. These incredible people are there to help all week long with your children enabling you to do things you normally couldn't do. What a blessing!
The other blessing comes in being connected to other moms and dads of special needs children. It was in one of these group meetings toward the end of the week that we shared what this experience had meant to us. This meeting with just women can turn from laughter, to crying, to a hearty AMEN! at any moment. It was in this meeting where I got the chance to share my heart, and I'm grateful for the opportunity to share with you as well.
Many times through the years people have told me how inspired they are by me. How touched they are by my family and it's very untypical challenges. I have always very politely thanked people but have never really understood what they are talking about. I mean honestly, there are days where I don't even feel inspired to get a shower, and my family's unique challenges many times inspire me to take a nap! But what I've come to learn through my time at JAF is that God's grace is very different depending on whether you are dealing with a disability or observing others who are dealing with a disability. As we are usually the family on display, I don't see what others see. However my time at JAF has given me many opportunities to be the observer, and what I've seen is truly a remarkable thing. It's given me the vantage point of others who see me and my family, and it is inspiring. Watching the grace of God flow into a mom dealing with a child in full blown meltdown mode. Watching the grace of God flow from several adults helping a physically disabled adult transfer from a wheel chair into an inner tube at the pool. Watching the grace of God flow from STMs to kids who won't enter the cafeteria because of sensory issues. Watching the grace of God flow from one person with a disability to another person with a disability. Watching the grace of God flow as an adult with Autism helps moms and dads understand their non-verbal child with Autism. Or how about finding out that STMs and buddies are not only volunteers, they pay their own way to be there to help your family? Or how about learning that a buddy assigned to your family has just been through their own personal tragedy six weeks ago and still grieving but is there to serve you? Grace on full display.
You cannot help but be changed and transformed after being in such an environment for a week. It is truly the most beautiful picture of the Body of Christ in motion, and what you eventually learn is that everyone, even and especially those with disabilities, plays a part. What you eventually realize is that we all have limitations and need each other. What you eventually see is how God's strength is displayed through one member of the Body in the area that another member is weak. We are kidding ourselves when we think we don't need each other. And I think this might just be the greatest blessing in being part of the handicapped community ... and that's that we get this concept. We know isolation well and because of that we embrace interdependence. Arms can function but they function better with an elbow, a shoulder, a hand, and fingers and thumbs. You see what I mean?
After this experience I have such a different perspective on being the family on display in public. (Not that I enjoy it any better). But I now realize that someone needs to see this. Someone needs to witness the grace of God that so evidently flows in a difficult situation. However, the truth is this. If you are a member of the Body of Christ you are on display also. In your home. Outside of your home. At work. At school. To your neighbors, family, and community. You are a member of God's family on display.
In my very short career in retail many moons ago, I remember one thing about setting up a window display. It's got to catch people's attention. It's got to draw the eye. It's got to make people want it. You see where I'm going with this, I'm sure. What about you and the way you live your life draws people's attention? What catches their eye? Do they see such a difference between themselves and you that they want what you have?
1 Peter 2:9 says this "But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation. A peculiar people (I LOVE that part!) that should DISPLAY the perfection of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light."
My fellow Believers, we are not called to look like the world. We are in this world but not of it. We deal with the same problems as many other people, but we should not be dealing with them the same way. His light within us should be catching people's attention, drawing the eye upward, and making people realize they want Jesus. They NEED Jesus! We live in a lost, confused, dying world, and the only part of you that you should focus on giving away, both in word and in deed, is Him because it's the only thing that matters. It's the only thing that's going to make a lasting impact to that waitress who served you coffee, that mechanic that fixed your car, that neighbor that just found out their spouse is leaving them, that friend whose loved one has just been diagnosed with a terminal illness.
Let's get off the sidelines! Let's get in the race! Let's make a real difference in real lives that have real problems! Let's vow to be open and honest with others about our own struggles and the amazing grace we have received through Christ because of and in spite of them. Let's give them the very best that we can offer of ourselves. Let's give them Jesus ..."The mystery of which was hidden for ages and generations, but is now revealed to His saints ... which is Christ within and among you, the Hope of realizing the glory." (Col. 1:26-27).
Without a doubt the highlight of our summer the past two years has been the week we spent in Alabama at Joni and Friends Family Retreat (JAF). JAF is a Christian camp for families who have been affected by disabilities. It's founder is Joni Eareckson Tada who herself became a quadriplegic as a teenager. From the moment you arrive you are embraced as family. Your special children are assigned STMs (Short Term Missions), and your typical children are assigned a buddy. These incredible people are there to help all week long with your children enabling you to do things you normally couldn't do. What a blessing!
The other blessing comes in being connected to other moms and dads of special needs children. It was in one of these group meetings toward the end of the week that we shared what this experience had meant to us. This meeting with just women can turn from laughter, to crying, to a hearty AMEN! at any moment. It was in this meeting where I got the chance to share my heart, and I'm grateful for the opportunity to share with you as well.
Many times through the years people have told me how inspired they are by me. How touched they are by my family and it's very untypical challenges. I have always very politely thanked people but have never really understood what they are talking about. I mean honestly, there are days where I don't even feel inspired to get a shower, and my family's unique challenges many times inspire me to take a nap! But what I've come to learn through my time at JAF is that God's grace is very different depending on whether you are dealing with a disability or observing others who are dealing with a disability. As we are usually the family on display, I don't see what others see. However my time at JAF has given me many opportunities to be the observer, and what I've seen is truly a remarkable thing. It's given me the vantage point of others who see me and my family, and it is inspiring. Watching the grace of God flow into a mom dealing with a child in full blown meltdown mode. Watching the grace of God flow from several adults helping a physically disabled adult transfer from a wheel chair into an inner tube at the pool. Watching the grace of God flow from STMs to kids who won't enter the cafeteria because of sensory issues. Watching the grace of God flow from one person with a disability to another person with a disability. Watching the grace of God flow as an adult with Autism helps moms and dads understand their non-verbal child with Autism. Or how about finding out that STMs and buddies are not only volunteers, they pay their own way to be there to help your family? Or how about learning that a buddy assigned to your family has just been through their own personal tragedy six weeks ago and still grieving but is there to serve you? Grace on full display.
You cannot help but be changed and transformed after being in such an environment for a week. It is truly the most beautiful picture of the Body of Christ in motion, and what you eventually learn is that everyone, even and especially those with disabilities, plays a part. What you eventually realize is that we all have limitations and need each other. What you eventually see is how God's strength is displayed through one member of the Body in the area that another member is weak. We are kidding ourselves when we think we don't need each other. And I think this might just be the greatest blessing in being part of the handicapped community ... and that's that we get this concept. We know isolation well and because of that we embrace interdependence. Arms can function but they function better with an elbow, a shoulder, a hand, and fingers and thumbs. You see what I mean?
After this experience I have such a different perspective on being the family on display in public. (Not that I enjoy it any better). But I now realize that someone needs to see this. Someone needs to witness the grace of God that so evidently flows in a difficult situation. However, the truth is this. If you are a member of the Body of Christ you are on display also. In your home. Outside of your home. At work. At school. To your neighbors, family, and community. You are a member of God's family on display.
In my very short career in retail many moons ago, I remember one thing about setting up a window display. It's got to catch people's attention. It's got to draw the eye. It's got to make people want it. You see where I'm going with this, I'm sure. What about you and the way you live your life draws people's attention? What catches their eye? Do they see such a difference between themselves and you that they want what you have?
1 Peter 2:9 says this "But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation. A peculiar people (I LOVE that part!) that should DISPLAY the perfection of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light."
My fellow Believers, we are not called to look like the world. We are in this world but not of it. We deal with the same problems as many other people, but we should not be dealing with them the same way. His light within us should be catching people's attention, drawing the eye upward, and making people realize they want Jesus. They NEED Jesus! We live in a lost, confused, dying world, and the only part of you that you should focus on giving away, both in word and in deed, is Him because it's the only thing that matters. It's the only thing that's going to make a lasting impact to that waitress who served you coffee, that mechanic that fixed your car, that neighbor that just found out their spouse is leaving them, that friend whose loved one has just been diagnosed with a terminal illness.
Let's get off the sidelines! Let's get in the race! Let's make a real difference in real lives that have real problems! Let's vow to be open and honest with others about our own struggles and the amazing grace we have received through Christ because of and in spite of them. Let's give them the very best that we can offer of ourselves. Let's give them Jesus ..."The mystery of which was hidden for ages and generations, but is now revealed to His saints ... which is Christ within and among you, the Hope of realizing the glory." (Col. 1:26-27).
Sunday, August 23, 2015
August 22 ... What's Your Due Date?
August 22. A seemingly random date. For much of my life it was. However in 2000 my daughter Hannah was born on this date. Coincidently it was her actual "due date" which I'm told only 5% of babies are ever born on. What a happy day! Our second child but first daughter. So many dreams where born that day as she took her first breath ... dreams of our relationship, dreams of her future, dreams of fun holidays, dreams of her accomplishments ...
Not quite three years later we would learn that our precious daughter had Landau-Kleffner Syndrome. A syndrome characterized by an abnormal EEG ... spiking in the temporal lobes which is the speech and language center of the brain. This diagnosis was very rare and therefore the prognosis was uncertain. This syndrome presents itself much like a severe case of Autism. Therapies recommended for children with Autism were what was recommended for us to try with Hannah.
Fast forward to yesterday, August 22, 2015. Hannah's 15th Birthday. As the years have gone by this date has become more and more pregnant with conflicting emotions. One emotion wants to celebrate the birth of this special child that has taught me so much. I would NEVER want Hannah to think she was somehow less and not worth celebrating. I'm certain God celebrates Hannah and sings over her. Why then wouldn't I? But quite honestly, the other emotion wishes we could skip this date all together. How do you celebrate a day that has brought more heartache, tears, and challenges to our life than any other? As she gets older, this day is a sad reminder of the fact that although she is growing up chronologically, cognitively she has not. This date that marks the birth of dreams held on to as well as the laying to rest of dreams as the years have gone by. This is a difficult day for my husband and I. Birthdays are difficult for many parents with children with disabilities.
However, and praise God, this is the point where He steps in to remind me that these are my thoughts, not His. These were my dreams, not His. These were my plans, not His. These are my way of perceiving what has happened, not His. I have no doubt that God loves Hannah more than even I do. Therefore I have no doubt that His plans and dreams for her are far better than anything I could have imagined for her. Special needs parenting is a continual faith walk, and as is the case with any faith walk, one must continually stir up their faith to walk it.
Back before I did not yet know this, I remember having a total breakdown with God one day as I pressed Him once again for WHEN Hannah would be delivered from her world of isolation. I will never forget what came up in my Spirit that day as it has carried me through many birthdays (and other weary days). "Just like Hannah had a due date to be delivered, she has a due date for her deliverance." WOW! (Again, the power punch to this statement is that Hannah WAS delivered on her due date!)
So we wait, but we are not alone in our waiting. God never calls us to something without empowering us to do it, and many times the empowering He gives us is in identifying with Him. Waiting is no different.
I was reminded of this yesterday as I made Hannah's birthday cake and my thoughts drifted back to a conversation I had had earlier this year with the Lord. I remember asking God, yet again, why people must wait for any benefit of which Jesus died on the cross to give us? If it is finished as Jesus declares in John 19:30 why must we wait? Certainly I know it is finished in the spiritual realm, but I was growing weary in waiting and wanting to see some physical realm change. That was when I came across Phil. 2:10-11 as if for the first time ... reading it with fresh perspective eyes ... "That at the name of Jesus every knee must bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess and acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the Glory of God the Father." And that's when it hit me ... Jesus is waiting too. This scripture is not yet fulfilled, and according to Matt. 24:36 Jesus Himself does not know the day or hour it will be fulfilled. I can certainly identify with that! In fact all of Revelation waits to come to pass. Jesus, although known as Lord to the Church, is still mocked by much of society ... maybe more today than ever! Yes, Jesus waits too, and like everything else Jesus experienced we can choose to identify with Him and let him teach us about waiting.
*So how is Jesus waiting?
Well, for starters, He's not pacing Heaven's floor biting His fingernails wondering if these things will happen. Ephesians 1:20 tells us that Jesus is seated at the right hand of God the Father. Seated ... a position of rest. The right hand of God ... a position of power and authority. Then if you drop down to Ephesians 2:6 you will see that we are seated with Him!
*So what is Jesus doing while He waits?
Hebrews 4:14 says He is our High Priest. We are to hold fast to our confession of faith in Him, which is also His Word, because we know it does not return void (Is.55:11). Hebrews 7:25 says He is continually making intercession for us. Likewise, scripture directs us to "pray without ceasing" (1 Thes. 5:17).
*What is Jesus patiently expecting to be the end result of His waiting?
Acts 2:35 says "Till I make Your enemies a footstool for Your feet." ('Your' here is referring to Jesus). Again, we are seated with Him and part of His Body (Eph. 1:22-23). Romans 16:20 reads "And the God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet." (Here, 'your' is referring to us). As one of my favorite pastors says "So even if you are the skin on the bottom of the pinky toe of Christ, Satan is UNDER YOU!"
We can and should wait with the same expectancy and assurance as our Savior. The outcome is certain even if the timing is not.
Many scriptures have helped me persevere. Psalm 37:13. "The Lord laughs at the wicked, for He sees that their own day of defeat is coming." My friend, I have decided if God is laughing I can laugh too. After all it is the best medicine, but more than that Philippians 1:28 says "And do not for a moment be frightened or intimated in anything by your adversaries, for such fearlessness will be a clear sign and proof to them of their impending destruction, but a sure token of your deliverance and salvation, and that from God."
So friend, are you in a season of waiting? Is the waiting starting to feel endless? Rest assured that there is a "due date" on the promise you are waiting for. "But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day!" (Hab. 2:3) Praise God! He will redeem the time and restore what was lost (Joel 2:25).
(This blog post is dedicated to my most precious daughter, Hannah. As I look back I realize I didn't get what I wanted, I got more. I got what I needed. How grateful I am for you. And though this life looks nothing like I imagined, God is working a wonder ... a glorious masterpiece that will unfold in its appointed time, and it will mean far more because of the journey we have traveled. I love you!)
Not quite three years later we would learn that our precious daughter had Landau-Kleffner Syndrome. A syndrome characterized by an abnormal EEG ... spiking in the temporal lobes which is the speech and language center of the brain. This diagnosis was very rare and therefore the prognosis was uncertain. This syndrome presents itself much like a severe case of Autism. Therapies recommended for children with Autism were what was recommended for us to try with Hannah.
Fast forward to yesterday, August 22, 2015. Hannah's 15th Birthday. As the years have gone by this date has become more and more pregnant with conflicting emotions. One emotion wants to celebrate the birth of this special child that has taught me so much. I would NEVER want Hannah to think she was somehow less and not worth celebrating. I'm certain God celebrates Hannah and sings over her. Why then wouldn't I? But quite honestly, the other emotion wishes we could skip this date all together. How do you celebrate a day that has brought more heartache, tears, and challenges to our life than any other? As she gets older, this day is a sad reminder of the fact that although she is growing up chronologically, cognitively she has not. This date that marks the birth of dreams held on to as well as the laying to rest of dreams as the years have gone by. This is a difficult day for my husband and I. Birthdays are difficult for many parents with children with disabilities.
However, and praise God, this is the point where He steps in to remind me that these are my thoughts, not His. These were my dreams, not His. These were my plans, not His. These are my way of perceiving what has happened, not His. I have no doubt that God loves Hannah more than even I do. Therefore I have no doubt that His plans and dreams for her are far better than anything I could have imagined for her. Special needs parenting is a continual faith walk, and as is the case with any faith walk, one must continually stir up their faith to walk it.
Back before I did not yet know this, I remember having a total breakdown with God one day as I pressed Him once again for WHEN Hannah would be delivered from her world of isolation. I will never forget what came up in my Spirit that day as it has carried me through many birthdays (and other weary days). "Just like Hannah had a due date to be delivered, she has a due date for her deliverance." WOW! (Again, the power punch to this statement is that Hannah WAS delivered on her due date!)
So we wait, but we are not alone in our waiting. God never calls us to something without empowering us to do it, and many times the empowering He gives us is in identifying with Him. Waiting is no different.
I was reminded of this yesterday as I made Hannah's birthday cake and my thoughts drifted back to a conversation I had had earlier this year with the Lord. I remember asking God, yet again, why people must wait for any benefit of which Jesus died on the cross to give us? If it is finished as Jesus declares in John 19:30 why must we wait? Certainly I know it is finished in the spiritual realm, but I was growing weary in waiting and wanting to see some physical realm change. That was when I came across Phil. 2:10-11 as if for the first time ... reading it with fresh perspective eyes ... "That at the name of Jesus every knee must bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess and acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the Glory of God the Father." And that's when it hit me ... Jesus is waiting too. This scripture is not yet fulfilled, and according to Matt. 24:36 Jesus Himself does not know the day or hour it will be fulfilled. I can certainly identify with that! In fact all of Revelation waits to come to pass. Jesus, although known as Lord to the Church, is still mocked by much of society ... maybe more today than ever! Yes, Jesus waits too, and like everything else Jesus experienced we can choose to identify with Him and let him teach us about waiting.
*So how is Jesus waiting?
Well, for starters, He's not pacing Heaven's floor biting His fingernails wondering if these things will happen. Ephesians 1:20 tells us that Jesus is seated at the right hand of God the Father. Seated ... a position of rest. The right hand of God ... a position of power and authority. Then if you drop down to Ephesians 2:6 you will see that we are seated with Him!
*So what is Jesus doing while He waits?
Hebrews 4:14 says He is our High Priest. We are to hold fast to our confession of faith in Him, which is also His Word, because we know it does not return void (Is.55:11). Hebrews 7:25 says He is continually making intercession for us. Likewise, scripture directs us to "pray without ceasing" (1 Thes. 5:17).
*What is Jesus patiently expecting to be the end result of His waiting?
Acts 2:35 says "Till I make Your enemies a footstool for Your feet." ('Your' here is referring to Jesus). Again, we are seated with Him and part of His Body (Eph. 1:22-23). Romans 16:20 reads "And the God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet." (Here, 'your' is referring to us). As one of my favorite pastors says "So even if you are the skin on the bottom of the pinky toe of Christ, Satan is UNDER YOU!"
We can and should wait with the same expectancy and assurance as our Savior. The outcome is certain even if the timing is not.
Many scriptures have helped me persevere. Psalm 37:13. "The Lord laughs at the wicked, for He sees that their own day of defeat is coming." My friend, I have decided if God is laughing I can laugh too. After all it is the best medicine, but more than that Philippians 1:28 says "And do not for a moment be frightened or intimated in anything by your adversaries, for such fearlessness will be a clear sign and proof to them of their impending destruction, but a sure token of your deliverance and salvation, and that from God."
So friend, are you in a season of waiting? Is the waiting starting to feel endless? Rest assured that there is a "due date" on the promise you are waiting for. "But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day!" (Hab. 2:3) Praise God! He will redeem the time and restore what was lost (Joel 2:25).
(This blog post is dedicated to my most precious daughter, Hannah. As I look back I realize I didn't get what I wanted, I got more. I got what I needed. How grateful I am for you. And though this life looks nothing like I imagined, God is working a wonder ... a glorious masterpiece that will unfold in its appointed time, and it will mean far more because of the journey we have traveled. I love you!)
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
An Above and Beyond Kind of God
A few months ago my little guy Gabe came to me with a broken toy. He is non-verbal Autistic so communication can be a real challenge for him. He set the toy in my lap and pressed the button that should've activated the toy to demonstrate it wasn't working. Reassuring him with a, "Mommy will fix it," I sat down with a screw driver and some new batteries. However, as I began to unscrew the back of the toy ... removing screws, taking the back panel off, pulling out dead batteries ... Gabe began to completely flip! He fell to the floor screaming and crying. He then attempted to take the toy back. Finally in a last ditch panic effort to communicate he flipped the toy back over, pressing the "go" button again as if to say, "What are you doing! Just fix this! This is all that's broken!" I continued to reassure him saying "It's okay. I'm fixing it." Although from his perspective I could clearly see how he thought I was making things worse, not better. After all the toy not only still didn't work ... it was now in pieces!
That was when I heard a still small voice say "This is exactly what my people do. They come to me with what's broken and don't trust that I know how to fix it." Tears welled up in my eyes as through my child I saw myself. I saw a young woman who took her broken dreams for herself, her daughter, and her family to the Lord to fix. I saw my anger and frustration with God when He didn't do things in the way and timing I thought He should. I saw myself take the situation back into my own hands as I walked away from God. I saw a battered and beaten woman return to God, broken item still in tow. I saw a God that brought yet another disabled child into our lives. I saw a God that began by dismantling me. I saw a God that dared to challenge my perspective, thoughts, and attitudes. A God that began to take me back through His Word to reveal deeper truths. A God that began to challenge other areas of my life as well ... finances, marriage, etc.
These things all flashed before my eyes as the words of Isaiah 55:8 came to mind "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are My ways your ways." You know why God allows broken things? Because He knows that is what will bring us to Him. He knows we will come to seek His hand and that from there He can show us His face. And although He cares about that broken thing that we care about, He also knows that the thing that needs fixing most is us. As I look back at nearly 13 years of my "mom of special needs children" walk I can see the changes He's made in me, my husband, and our family. Not to say there aren't things that I see that still need to change. But in spite of the pain and the brokenness, I am grateful.
Truthfully I've come to realize that because God is an "above and beyond" kind of God He is ALWAYS after the greatest good for us and the most glory for Him (Eph 3:20). When we bring that one broken thing to God, we are inviting Him in to invade every area of our lives. God gradually begins to pull things apart so that He can fix, heal, and deliver us from things we in our humanness don't even realize we need fixed, healed, and delivered from. And because of this, we always end up far better off than the way we started. Which brings me back to Gabe ...
As I finished fixing his toy I noticed a separate battery compartment. I quickly changed out the batteries in it too. When I handed the toy back to Gabe and watched him hit the "go" button, to both our surprise it not only lit up and made sounds as it always had before. It also began to rumble, vibrate, and shake! I watched as he happily walked away to play with his "once broken but now fixed above and beyond his wildest imagination" toy. If I can do that for my child, how much more does God want to do that for me? (Matt. 7:11)
Don't lose heart, friend. Our "above and beyond" God is forever on the throne, and "eye has not seen and ear has not heard all that God has prepared for those who love Him." (1 Cor. 2:9)
That was when I heard a still small voice say "This is exactly what my people do. They come to me with what's broken and don't trust that I know how to fix it." Tears welled up in my eyes as through my child I saw myself. I saw a young woman who took her broken dreams for herself, her daughter, and her family to the Lord to fix. I saw my anger and frustration with God when He didn't do things in the way and timing I thought He should. I saw myself take the situation back into my own hands as I walked away from God. I saw a battered and beaten woman return to God, broken item still in tow. I saw a God that brought yet another disabled child into our lives. I saw a God that began by dismantling me. I saw a God that dared to challenge my perspective, thoughts, and attitudes. A God that began to take me back through His Word to reveal deeper truths. A God that began to challenge other areas of my life as well ... finances, marriage, etc.
These things all flashed before my eyes as the words of Isaiah 55:8 came to mind "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are My ways your ways." You know why God allows broken things? Because He knows that is what will bring us to Him. He knows we will come to seek His hand and that from there He can show us His face. And although He cares about that broken thing that we care about, He also knows that the thing that needs fixing most is us. As I look back at nearly 13 years of my "mom of special needs children" walk I can see the changes He's made in me, my husband, and our family. Not to say there aren't things that I see that still need to change. But in spite of the pain and the brokenness, I am grateful.
Truthfully I've come to realize that because God is an "above and beyond" kind of God He is ALWAYS after the greatest good for us and the most glory for Him (Eph 3:20). When we bring that one broken thing to God, we are inviting Him in to invade every area of our lives. God gradually begins to pull things apart so that He can fix, heal, and deliver us from things we in our humanness don't even realize we need fixed, healed, and delivered from. And because of this, we always end up far better off than the way we started. Which brings me back to Gabe ...
As I finished fixing his toy I noticed a separate battery compartment. I quickly changed out the batteries in it too. When I handed the toy back to Gabe and watched him hit the "go" button, to both our surprise it not only lit up and made sounds as it always had before. It also began to rumble, vibrate, and shake! I watched as he happily walked away to play with his "once broken but now fixed above and beyond his wildest imagination" toy. If I can do that for my child, how much more does God want to do that for me? (Matt. 7:11)
Don't lose heart, friend. Our "above and beyond" God is forever on the throne, and "eye has not seen and ear has not heard all that God has prepared for those who love Him." (1 Cor. 2:9)
Friday, August 22, 2014
Positioned for Greatness
God is preparing you for what He has prepared for you. This is what the Spirit has been telling me all summer long. In every situation we face, God is always preparing us for the next thing. He knows where we are headed and what He wants to do, so He prepares us and positions us for greatness. We don't have a hard time wrapping our minds around this when the preparing and positioning is fun, easy, painless, and understandable. However we have a really hard time when it involves problems, pain, perseverance, and a lot of questions.
Those of you who are my Facebook friends know last year was incredibly tough for my sweet daughter Hannah. She had a difficult time transitioning to middle school ... a longer day, no play ground, and all the changes that come with puberty. There were also some real issues with her teachers who were lovely, well meaning people but were not equipped to deal with some of Hannah's behaviors. (For those of you who do not know, my daughter was diagnosed with Autism just before turning 3 and is non-verbal).
So after a long first semester of Hannah hitting, kicking, and biting people and having to be restrained on numerous occasions, a behavioral coach was finally assigned to her. We all took part in creating a FBA (Functional Behavioral Assessment) and designed a game plan to move forward. Things began to calm and I was starting to feel good about it when I got a phone call from her teacher informing me that the ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) classroom Hannah was in would be relocated to a different school next year.
Upset does not even begin to express my feelings of frustration. To think of everything the teachers, myself, and especially Hannah had been through to get to a better place and now to know everything would be uprooted and changed ... a new school, new teacher, new bus driver, new classmates. New is not usually a good thing in the world of Autism. Old, patterned, predictable, reliable is what makes their world go round. Understand too that this was not the first time the county had changed schools on us, and I was feeling incredibly irritated by all these "professionals." So I decided right then and there I was going to look into other options (i.e. private school). I still didn't have peace though. Peace about leaving her in public school, pulling her out, or anything. Just frustration.
One day as the rant directed at the school system played in my head, the Holy Spirit said "If you make a decision because your panties are in a twist, you can be certain your decision is of the flesh and not the Spirit because, let's face it, your Spirit doesn't have a butt crack." (I know some of you may be thinking the Holy Spirit would never speak of such things, but I'm telling you He did.) It was just the message I needed and funny too! I laughed and laughed all day about it, and then prayed this prayer ...
"Lord I don't know where Hannah should go to school next year, but You do. You
know exactly where she needs to be. So Lord I ask You to give me wisdom. Open
the doors where You want her to go and close them where You don't want her to go.
Lord, I pray you make it painfully obvious to me what I'm supposed to do. You see
my plate is full. I don't have the time or energy to ponder this. Show me."
A lengthy search ensued including a meet and greet at the public school the ASD unit would be moved to the following year. It's funny, I really didn't pray that much about it. I was quite confident in the prayer I had already prayed, but the morning I got in the car to go tour the private school I had decided was a good fit, I found a Praying Mantis on the steering wheel of my car. After managing to get him out, I prayed ... because really, what are the chances of that! The problem was I read into that Praying Mantis too much. Yes, I prayed, but I prayed believing this was where Hannah was supposed to be. It wasn't!
About a week later the door that seemed open was suddenly and shockingly slammed shut. The whole thing was done very unprofessionally, and I found myself dealing with negative feelings of being offended until I realized ... my prayer had been answered! Man didn't shut that door. God shut that door. And just as I had requested, He made it painfully and unmistakeably obvious. How could I be offended about an answered prayer?! God also helped me to realize that prayer is important for two reasons ... it either leads to complete joy if we get what we ask for or deep peace if we do not. I cannot begin to describe the peace that I felt in that moment. I stayed open to other possibilities but basically knew Hannah would stay in public school. A few months later I learned of the teacher who was hired from people I highly trusted, and I knew the search was over.
Ironically I was going to blog about this yesterday and didn't, and at 3:30 I received a call from Hannah's school that she had hit a student over the head and bit her teacher. My heart sank. It's the 3rd day of school and here we go again. I was beside myself and happy I hadn't made a fool of myself blogging about my answer to prayer. Ha! What a joke, right?
WRONG! God is always preparing us for what He has prepared for us. God is always positioning us for greatness. It's so easy to think "If this is greatness, somebody goofed." But the greatest victory this world has ever known didn't look good either. Jesus Christ suffering. His blood being poured out as He died on the cross. Conquering sin and death. Raised from the dead. Ascending to heaven. Seated at the right hand of the Father. Given the Name above ALL names. Who would've thought something as horrendous as the CROSS would have positioned Him for such greatness? Satan didn't. The Bible tells us that he NEVER would have crucified the Son of God had he known the consequences. Let us not be conformed to the world's way of thinking about what is good and what is bad. We have been given the mind of Christ and the Holy Spirit to help us understand that when God is in it, what seems bad actually positions us for greatness. In fact we are already positioned for greatness because we are seated with Christ! Will we let Christ be our example of how to carry our cross? Will we trust the Author and Finisher of our faith to see us through? Are we anchored to the truth that Christ's obedience to the cross was the path to victory, and that because of Jesus our obedience to our cross will also lead to victory?
So this morning I praise the Lord for the overwhelming peace I have of knowing that He was the one to direct us to this school. He has Hannah right where He wants her. He has prepared this school with the right personnel and resources to help Hannah. I might have been surprised that she behaved so badly on her 3rd day of school, but God is never surprised. He knew this is where we would be, where Hannah would get the help she needs, and that she will go on to have a successful school year.
I feel truly blessed by a faithful and loving God that has entrusted such a treasure to me. Not because He thought I could handle it, but because He wanted to use this situation to draw me closer to Him ... to foster an incredibly intimate relationship with Him. Today is Hannah's 14th birthday, and the Lord has reminded me of a prayer I prayed while I was pregnant with her that she would be truly special. He has answered that prayer and continues to answer it. He is positioning her for greatness, preparing her for all He has prepared for her, and touching the lives of those around her for His glory. I am beyond blessed to be her mother. Happy Birthday my sweet Hannah! I love you!
Those of you who are my Facebook friends know last year was incredibly tough for my sweet daughter Hannah. She had a difficult time transitioning to middle school ... a longer day, no play ground, and all the changes that come with puberty. There were also some real issues with her teachers who were lovely, well meaning people but were not equipped to deal with some of Hannah's behaviors. (For those of you who do not know, my daughter was diagnosed with Autism just before turning 3 and is non-verbal).
So after a long first semester of Hannah hitting, kicking, and biting people and having to be restrained on numerous occasions, a behavioral coach was finally assigned to her. We all took part in creating a FBA (Functional Behavioral Assessment) and designed a game plan to move forward. Things began to calm and I was starting to feel good about it when I got a phone call from her teacher informing me that the ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) classroom Hannah was in would be relocated to a different school next year.
Upset does not even begin to express my feelings of frustration. To think of everything the teachers, myself, and especially Hannah had been through to get to a better place and now to know everything would be uprooted and changed ... a new school, new teacher, new bus driver, new classmates. New is not usually a good thing in the world of Autism. Old, patterned, predictable, reliable is what makes their world go round. Understand too that this was not the first time the county had changed schools on us, and I was feeling incredibly irritated by all these "professionals." So I decided right then and there I was going to look into other options (i.e. private school). I still didn't have peace though. Peace about leaving her in public school, pulling her out, or anything. Just frustration.
One day as the rant directed at the school system played in my head, the Holy Spirit said "If you make a decision because your panties are in a twist, you can be certain your decision is of the flesh and not the Spirit because, let's face it, your Spirit doesn't have a butt crack." (I know some of you may be thinking the Holy Spirit would never speak of such things, but I'm telling you He did.) It was just the message I needed and funny too! I laughed and laughed all day about it, and then prayed this prayer ...
"Lord I don't know where Hannah should go to school next year, but You do. You
know exactly where she needs to be. So Lord I ask You to give me wisdom. Open
the doors where You want her to go and close them where You don't want her to go.
Lord, I pray you make it painfully obvious to me what I'm supposed to do. You see
my plate is full. I don't have the time or energy to ponder this. Show me."
A lengthy search ensued including a meet and greet at the public school the ASD unit would be moved to the following year. It's funny, I really didn't pray that much about it. I was quite confident in the prayer I had already prayed, but the morning I got in the car to go tour the private school I had decided was a good fit, I found a Praying Mantis on the steering wheel of my car. After managing to get him out, I prayed ... because really, what are the chances of that! The problem was I read into that Praying Mantis too much. Yes, I prayed, but I prayed believing this was where Hannah was supposed to be. It wasn't!
About a week later the door that seemed open was suddenly and shockingly slammed shut. The whole thing was done very unprofessionally, and I found myself dealing with negative feelings of being offended until I realized ... my prayer had been answered! Man didn't shut that door. God shut that door. And just as I had requested, He made it painfully and unmistakeably obvious. How could I be offended about an answered prayer?! God also helped me to realize that prayer is important for two reasons ... it either leads to complete joy if we get what we ask for or deep peace if we do not. I cannot begin to describe the peace that I felt in that moment. I stayed open to other possibilities but basically knew Hannah would stay in public school. A few months later I learned of the teacher who was hired from people I highly trusted, and I knew the search was over.
Ironically I was going to blog about this yesterday and didn't, and at 3:30 I received a call from Hannah's school that she had hit a student over the head and bit her teacher. My heart sank. It's the 3rd day of school and here we go again. I was beside myself and happy I hadn't made a fool of myself blogging about my answer to prayer. Ha! What a joke, right?
WRONG! God is always preparing us for what He has prepared for us. God is always positioning us for greatness. It's so easy to think "If this is greatness, somebody goofed." But the greatest victory this world has ever known didn't look good either. Jesus Christ suffering. His blood being poured out as He died on the cross. Conquering sin and death. Raised from the dead. Ascending to heaven. Seated at the right hand of the Father. Given the Name above ALL names. Who would've thought something as horrendous as the CROSS would have positioned Him for such greatness? Satan didn't. The Bible tells us that he NEVER would have crucified the Son of God had he known the consequences. Let us not be conformed to the world's way of thinking about what is good and what is bad. We have been given the mind of Christ and the Holy Spirit to help us understand that when God is in it, what seems bad actually positions us for greatness. In fact we are already positioned for greatness because we are seated with Christ! Will we let Christ be our example of how to carry our cross? Will we trust the Author and Finisher of our faith to see us through? Are we anchored to the truth that Christ's obedience to the cross was the path to victory, and that because of Jesus our obedience to our cross will also lead to victory?
So this morning I praise the Lord for the overwhelming peace I have of knowing that He was the one to direct us to this school. He has Hannah right where He wants her. He has prepared this school with the right personnel and resources to help Hannah. I might have been surprised that she behaved so badly on her 3rd day of school, but God is never surprised. He knew this is where we would be, where Hannah would get the help she needs, and that she will go on to have a successful school year.
I feel truly blessed by a faithful and loving God that has entrusted such a treasure to me. Not because He thought I could handle it, but because He wanted to use this situation to draw me closer to Him ... to foster an incredibly intimate relationship with Him. Today is Hannah's 14th birthday, and the Lord has reminded me of a prayer I prayed while I was pregnant with her that she would be truly special. He has answered that prayer and continues to answer it. He is positioning her for greatness, preparing her for all He has prepared for her, and touching the lives of those around her for His glory. I am beyond blessed to be her mother. Happy Birthday my sweet Hannah! I love you!
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Stay in the Game!
About 5 years ago we were at my sister's house playing Uno Attack. It's an unpredictable card game mainly due to this machine that you have to push if you can't play. The machine will either do nothing or spit a mountain of cards at you. Anyway, we were playing this game and my son Jacob who at the time would've been about 9, was just getting hammered. I mean either someone was skipping him, playing a reverse, making him "draw two" which means hitting that crazy machine twice, or he just couldn't play anything ... also meaning he'd have to hit the machine. As the game went on every one's hand of cards grew smaller, but not Jacob's. His grew larger and larger until his little hands could barely hold what literally looked like half the deck.
Now as his mother (and knowing what a horrible sport I was at his age), I started to get concerned. I kept waiting for a flood of tears or an abrupt "I quit!" accompanied by Uno Attack cards flying through the air. I waited, but it never came. Finally at the point where he needed help holding his cards, I saw a tear ... and, surprising all of us, a laugh. A laugh that started small and gradually grew until it became contagious, and everyone else at the table was laughing too. I'll never forget how proud of my son I was in that moment. Not only did he display a persevering spirit, he chose to laugh about the challenge he was facing.
You know, life can be a lot like Uno Attack. We all get dealt our hand and start to play. But at some point we can feel like circumstances are ganging up on us. Sometimes we feel there is no good card to play. Sometimes we are stuck with nothing to play. Everyone else is playing their hand and moving on, and we are stuck. We aren't moving at a snails pace. We have come to a screeching halt, and sometimes even feel like we are going backward. It is a very frustrating feeling that I'm certain most people experience.
When I look back over my life I see a few very pivotal moments where the cards I had didn't look like a winning hand ... times when I wished I could have called a do over. You know, press rewind and play the cards differently. The funny thing is in each of these circumstances God clearly knew what needed to be done to gain victory, and He knew full well if left to my own devices I would choose to do something different.
The first example would be when my husband and I decided to move to Florida. Testing the spiritual waters, we put our house on the market. We certainly felt God opening the door as we had a buyer within the week. We then moved forward with an offer on a home in Florida, as well as my husband putting in his two week notice at his job. A week later our realtor called to inform us that the sale of our home had fallen through because the buyer couldn't secure financing. This of course caused our purchase of the home in Florida to fall through. My husband left the following week to start his new job in Florida while I stayed in Tennessee with our one and two year old children to sell the house.
To make a long story short, we ended up finding a brand new community in Florida and decided to build there. This community ended up being a great place for my husband to start a business, which he did 5 years later. The home we almost bought had a pool and was 4 doors down from a busy intersection. Two years later we would learn of our daughter's diagnosis of Autism. God was looking out for us concerning issues we had no idea were heading our way.
The next example would be when we found out our daughter would be placed at a new school. This school offered the same special program but was closer to our home ... sounds like a good fit. Then we found out the teacher of the class was married to someone in which my husband had some unfinished business with. The two were not on good terms with each other. Certain this would make for a strained, uncomfortable, and potentially explosive situation, I tried EVERYTHING within my power to get her switched back to her old school, and found out the only way it was even a remote possibility was if I transported her to and from school everyday. Well, it just so happened that my car had died a few months prior. We were stuck and had no choice but to have her attend the new school.
Wow! The next 3 years at this school with this teacher would end up being the best by far in all our daughter's educational experience. These years brought about a calmer, more compliant child. She began to use pictures to communicate and graduated on to more complex augmented communication devices in which she currently uses a program called TouchChat on her iPad. The Lord knew this person would be the best teacher for Hannah and that we would've missed it due to avoiding conflict ... conflict that never even happened because this person was completely unaware of the problem. However, because we had developed such a wonderful relationship, when she did find out about the situation she vowed to rectify it.
The last example would be in 2012 as my husband and I learned of our son's diagnosis of Autism. What a shock it was to get this news and have to come face to face with the fact that for whatever reason it seemed our genetic make-up was not a good mix. What we chalked up to as a fluke with Hannah we were now reliving with Gabe. Definitely a sign to take ourselves out of the gene pool. However, we had had to let our health insurance go a year prior to his diagnosis and had no available funds to take any permanent steps toward infertility. We didn't worry though thinking we were older and unlikely to conceive again anyway.
Wrong! Later that same year we learned we were expecting again. Scared to death and wondering what God was up to now, we pressed on in faith believing for a healthy child. June of 2013 our precious baby girl, Emma was born. What a blessing she is, and how fortunate I am to be able to experience things I missed out on with Hannah. God is so good but sometimes He has to take us to an uncomfortable place to reveal His goodness to us because I promise you if we would've had insurance when Gabe was diagnosed, Emma would not be here today.
Back in January, I remember watching all the coverage for the BCS title game between Florida State and Auburn. One particular show highlighted all the key games and plays that had gotten both teams to the championship game. These highlights got me thinking about my own personal highlight reel. Different scenes began to flash through my mind ... the singing award in junior high, the scholarship to go to college, my wedding day, moving into our brand new home, the birth of all four of our precious children ... And then I began to wonder what God would include in a "Heavenly Highlight Reel." Would they be the same things? We tend to look at the highlights in our life as exactly that, the high points. But is our idea of highlights the same as God's?
Habakkuk 3:19 in the Amplified Bible says "The Lord God is my strength, my personal bravery, and my invincible army. He makes my feet like hinds' feet and will make me to walk (not stand still in terror, but to walk) and make spiritual progress upon my high places (of trouble, suffering, and responsibility).
What are our high places? ... "trouble, suffering, and responsibility." What?! Why on earth are these considered high places? From our perspective these are the low points, right? At the time it certainly never occurred to me to look at the sale of a home falling through, the hauling of my car to a junkyard, or the inability to afford health insurance as high points! But you see according to God's ways, which are completely opposite of the world's ways, OUR low points are HIS high points because these are the times we turn to Him. These are the times when we seek God with our whole heart, anchor ourselves to the truths of His word, and put our complete faith and trust in His sovereign will. At no other time are we more pliable and moldable (if that's a word?) to the Potter. How precious our faith is in the eyes of the Father! It is as our faith in Him grows higher that our understanding of Him grows deeper, and every time we choose to trust God we add another scene to our heavenly highlight reel.
Looking back at these situations and many others along my journey, I am convinced that the difficult cards we are dealt in life actually become the very things God uses to set us up for blessing. The very obstacles Satan uses to destroy us actually become the platform in which God displays His greatest accomplishments in our lives. As Joel Osteen says, "Our set backs are God's set ups for a comeback!"
So are you curious how that game of Uno Attack ended? Well, a few rounds later Jacob was able to play a "switch hands" card on his cousin and went on to win the game! That's right ... and really all because he never gave up. Now you might be tempted to think, "That's a sweet little story, but life is very different." You are absolutely right. A game is very different than life. You are not guaranteed you will win a game, but if you are in Christ, you are guaranteed to win at life! He has already secured the victory for you! And although right now it seems you keep drawing cards to add to a fistful of other useless ones you can't play, know this ... the deck is stacked in your favor. At the right time and in the right moment you will not only be able to play but WIN! God can supernaturally thrust you from last place to first place. The true test is not the game itself but choosing to stay in it! Sometimes that is all our faith can do, but the beautiful and amazing thing is, that is all it takes. So keep running the race, my friend. Keep fighting the good fight. It is well worth the reward that awaits.
Now as his mother (and knowing what a horrible sport I was at his age), I started to get concerned. I kept waiting for a flood of tears or an abrupt "I quit!" accompanied by Uno Attack cards flying through the air. I waited, but it never came. Finally at the point where he needed help holding his cards, I saw a tear ... and, surprising all of us, a laugh. A laugh that started small and gradually grew until it became contagious, and everyone else at the table was laughing too. I'll never forget how proud of my son I was in that moment. Not only did he display a persevering spirit, he chose to laugh about the challenge he was facing.
You know, life can be a lot like Uno Attack. We all get dealt our hand and start to play. But at some point we can feel like circumstances are ganging up on us. Sometimes we feel there is no good card to play. Sometimes we are stuck with nothing to play. Everyone else is playing their hand and moving on, and we are stuck. We aren't moving at a snails pace. We have come to a screeching halt, and sometimes even feel like we are going backward. It is a very frustrating feeling that I'm certain most people experience.
When I look back over my life I see a few very pivotal moments where the cards I had didn't look like a winning hand ... times when I wished I could have called a do over. You know, press rewind and play the cards differently. The funny thing is in each of these circumstances God clearly knew what needed to be done to gain victory, and He knew full well if left to my own devices I would choose to do something different.
The first example would be when my husband and I decided to move to Florida. Testing the spiritual waters, we put our house on the market. We certainly felt God opening the door as we had a buyer within the week. We then moved forward with an offer on a home in Florida, as well as my husband putting in his two week notice at his job. A week later our realtor called to inform us that the sale of our home had fallen through because the buyer couldn't secure financing. This of course caused our purchase of the home in Florida to fall through. My husband left the following week to start his new job in Florida while I stayed in Tennessee with our one and two year old children to sell the house.
To make a long story short, we ended up finding a brand new community in Florida and decided to build there. This community ended up being a great place for my husband to start a business, which he did 5 years later. The home we almost bought had a pool and was 4 doors down from a busy intersection. Two years later we would learn of our daughter's diagnosis of Autism. God was looking out for us concerning issues we had no idea were heading our way.
The next example would be when we found out our daughter would be placed at a new school. This school offered the same special program but was closer to our home ... sounds like a good fit. Then we found out the teacher of the class was married to someone in which my husband had some unfinished business with. The two were not on good terms with each other. Certain this would make for a strained, uncomfortable, and potentially explosive situation, I tried EVERYTHING within my power to get her switched back to her old school, and found out the only way it was even a remote possibility was if I transported her to and from school everyday. Well, it just so happened that my car had died a few months prior. We were stuck and had no choice but to have her attend the new school.
Wow! The next 3 years at this school with this teacher would end up being the best by far in all our daughter's educational experience. These years brought about a calmer, more compliant child. She began to use pictures to communicate and graduated on to more complex augmented communication devices in which she currently uses a program called TouchChat on her iPad. The Lord knew this person would be the best teacher for Hannah and that we would've missed it due to avoiding conflict ... conflict that never even happened because this person was completely unaware of the problem. However, because we had developed such a wonderful relationship, when she did find out about the situation she vowed to rectify it.
The last example would be in 2012 as my husband and I learned of our son's diagnosis of Autism. What a shock it was to get this news and have to come face to face with the fact that for whatever reason it seemed our genetic make-up was not a good mix. What we chalked up to as a fluke with Hannah we were now reliving with Gabe. Definitely a sign to take ourselves out of the gene pool. However, we had had to let our health insurance go a year prior to his diagnosis and had no available funds to take any permanent steps toward infertility. We didn't worry though thinking we were older and unlikely to conceive again anyway.
Wrong! Later that same year we learned we were expecting again. Scared to death and wondering what God was up to now, we pressed on in faith believing for a healthy child. June of 2013 our precious baby girl, Emma was born. What a blessing she is, and how fortunate I am to be able to experience things I missed out on with Hannah. God is so good but sometimes He has to take us to an uncomfortable place to reveal His goodness to us because I promise you if we would've had insurance when Gabe was diagnosed, Emma would not be here today.
Back in January, I remember watching all the coverage for the BCS title game between Florida State and Auburn. One particular show highlighted all the key games and plays that had gotten both teams to the championship game. These highlights got me thinking about my own personal highlight reel. Different scenes began to flash through my mind ... the singing award in junior high, the scholarship to go to college, my wedding day, moving into our brand new home, the birth of all four of our precious children ... And then I began to wonder what God would include in a "Heavenly Highlight Reel." Would they be the same things? We tend to look at the highlights in our life as exactly that, the high points. But is our idea of highlights the same as God's?
Habakkuk 3:19 in the Amplified Bible says "The Lord God is my strength, my personal bravery, and my invincible army. He makes my feet like hinds' feet and will make me to walk (not stand still in terror, but to walk) and make spiritual progress upon my high places (of trouble, suffering, and responsibility).
What are our high places? ... "trouble, suffering, and responsibility." What?! Why on earth are these considered high places? From our perspective these are the low points, right? At the time it certainly never occurred to me to look at the sale of a home falling through, the hauling of my car to a junkyard, or the inability to afford health insurance as high points! But you see according to God's ways, which are completely opposite of the world's ways, OUR low points are HIS high points because these are the times we turn to Him. These are the times when we seek God with our whole heart, anchor ourselves to the truths of His word, and put our complete faith and trust in His sovereign will. At no other time are we more pliable and moldable (if that's a word?) to the Potter. How precious our faith is in the eyes of the Father! It is as our faith in Him grows higher that our understanding of Him grows deeper, and every time we choose to trust God we add another scene to our heavenly highlight reel.
Looking back at these situations and many others along my journey, I am convinced that the difficult cards we are dealt in life actually become the very things God uses to set us up for blessing. The very obstacles Satan uses to destroy us actually become the platform in which God displays His greatest accomplishments in our lives. As Joel Osteen says, "Our set backs are God's set ups for a comeback!"
So are you curious how that game of Uno Attack ended? Well, a few rounds later Jacob was able to play a "switch hands" card on his cousin and went on to win the game! That's right ... and really all because he never gave up. Now you might be tempted to think, "That's a sweet little story, but life is very different." You are absolutely right. A game is very different than life. You are not guaranteed you will win a game, but if you are in Christ, you are guaranteed to win at life! He has already secured the victory for you! And although right now it seems you keep drawing cards to add to a fistful of other useless ones you can't play, know this ... the deck is stacked in your favor. At the right time and in the right moment you will not only be able to play but WIN! God can supernaturally thrust you from last place to first place. The true test is not the game itself but choosing to stay in it! Sometimes that is all our faith can do, but the beautiful and amazing thing is, that is all it takes. So keep running the race, my friend. Keep fighting the good fight. It is well worth the reward that awaits.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
New Year, Renewed Mind
"Come close to God and He will come close to you." James 4:8
Well it is New Year's Eve. 2013 is coming to an end, and 2014 is wrapped in the promise of a new beginning. I blogged a total of 2 times in 2013 ... not because I didn't want to blog or had nothing to say, but because 2013 was an incredibly busy year that found me experiencing the expanse of the human existence. Many of you are aware my dad passed on to Glory in May. What you may not know is my husband and I welcomed our 4th and final child into this world in June. It was a roller coaster experience ... grieving the loss of one precious life while being overjoyed at the beginning of another. God taught me a lot through that experience. Mainly that passing out of this world mirrors passing into it. Both are truly a beautiful thing when we know Jesus as our Lord and Savior.
2013 was a reflective year not only due to my dad's passing but also as it marked 10 years of my daughter's diagnosis of Autism. One would think not much could be learned through reflection, but with God's help it was a positive thing. There is something about looking back over the years that highlights God's protection, guidance, faithfulness and ultimately His deep love like nothing else can. We tend to have our doubts as life's difficulties come our way, but as we look back we see one set of footprints in the sand and know that not only was He there, He was carrying us the whole time. Praise God!
Another development in 2013 was my mother's diagnosis of Dementia/Alzheimer's. This has been very difficult for my sisters and me. How sad it is to watch your mother regress back to a childlike state. The confusion she experiences causes much stress for all involved. I am incredibly grateful that I am not her main caregiver. My older sisters are graciously taking on that role as they know my plate is full. My prayers are continually with them as well as any of you who are dealing with this devastating disease.
Due to all these changes, there are several things God has taught me this year that I intend to blog on. However the main theme I have walked away from 2013 with is my need for His Spirit. As I find life pulling me in numerous directions, all of which are valid uses of my time and energy, I have never been so aware of my inability to perform all these tasks. God keeps bringing me back to Zachariah 4:6 "Not by might, nor by power, but by MY SPIRIT says the Lord of Hosts." I am finding that while being Spirit filled is a wonderful thing, I am in need of being Spirit led and sustained. So what's the difference, you might ask. This is the way God explained it to me ....
Back in high school I was studying to retake the ACT. I had bombed the math portion the first time, and getting into college without having to take a remedial math course was on the line. My boyfriend (now hubby) Chuck had agreed to tutor me ... poor thing! Anyway after diligent study, we both took the test and then went out to lunch. While in the car he asked me "So how many times did you use the Pythagorean Theorem?" I looked at him dumbfounded and said "None! Should I have?" Needless to say it was a very smart thing I married my now accountant husband .... math is NOT my thing!
What's my point ... or rather God's point as He replayed this scene in my head? It's not enough to know the Pythagorean Theorem. You have to know when to use it, or it is completely useless to you! Please don't get me wrong, I'm not relegating the Holy Spirit to some perfunctory mathematical equation. However I wonder how many free gifts God has given us that we don't tap into because we don't know how to apply them to the situations in our life. That is where the Holy Spirit comes in. How horrible to find out that we had all the tools we needed in this lifetime and yet due to our ignorance we didn't.
So as I ring in the New Year this evening with my family I am grateful for all I have learned in 2013 ... even in those tearful moments. God was in ALL of it! As the promise of 2014 looms brightly, I resolve to draw closer to God and know the power available to me through the Holy Spirit. I have no other resolution than Matthew 6:33 "But seek first of all His Kingdom and righteousness, and then all these things will be added unto you." I know if I seek Him, He will be faithful to direct every area of my life. He has amazing plans for each of us as we stay open to His leading. I am excited to experience God and see Him in every detail of my life ... to the full, until it overflows because we serve an "above and beyond" kind of God! Happy New Year and God's richest blessings in 2014!
Well it is New Year's Eve. 2013 is coming to an end, and 2014 is wrapped in the promise of a new beginning. I blogged a total of 2 times in 2013 ... not because I didn't want to blog or had nothing to say, but because 2013 was an incredibly busy year that found me experiencing the expanse of the human existence. Many of you are aware my dad passed on to Glory in May. What you may not know is my husband and I welcomed our 4th and final child into this world in June. It was a roller coaster experience ... grieving the loss of one precious life while being overjoyed at the beginning of another. God taught me a lot through that experience. Mainly that passing out of this world mirrors passing into it. Both are truly a beautiful thing when we know Jesus as our Lord and Savior.
2013 was a reflective year not only due to my dad's passing but also as it marked 10 years of my daughter's diagnosis of Autism. One would think not much could be learned through reflection, but with God's help it was a positive thing. There is something about looking back over the years that highlights God's protection, guidance, faithfulness and ultimately His deep love like nothing else can. We tend to have our doubts as life's difficulties come our way, but as we look back we see one set of footprints in the sand and know that not only was He there, He was carrying us the whole time. Praise God!
Another development in 2013 was my mother's diagnosis of Dementia/Alzheimer's. This has been very difficult for my sisters and me. How sad it is to watch your mother regress back to a childlike state. The confusion she experiences causes much stress for all involved. I am incredibly grateful that I am not her main caregiver. My older sisters are graciously taking on that role as they know my plate is full. My prayers are continually with them as well as any of you who are dealing with this devastating disease.
Due to all these changes, there are several things God has taught me this year that I intend to blog on. However the main theme I have walked away from 2013 with is my need for His Spirit. As I find life pulling me in numerous directions, all of which are valid uses of my time and energy, I have never been so aware of my inability to perform all these tasks. God keeps bringing me back to Zachariah 4:6 "Not by might, nor by power, but by MY SPIRIT says the Lord of Hosts." I am finding that while being Spirit filled is a wonderful thing, I am in need of being Spirit led and sustained. So what's the difference, you might ask. This is the way God explained it to me ....
Back in high school I was studying to retake the ACT. I had bombed the math portion the first time, and getting into college without having to take a remedial math course was on the line. My boyfriend (now hubby) Chuck had agreed to tutor me ... poor thing! Anyway after diligent study, we both took the test and then went out to lunch. While in the car he asked me "So how many times did you use the Pythagorean Theorem?" I looked at him dumbfounded and said "None! Should I have?" Needless to say it was a very smart thing I married my now accountant husband .... math is NOT my thing!
What's my point ... or rather God's point as He replayed this scene in my head? It's not enough to know the Pythagorean Theorem. You have to know when to use it, or it is completely useless to you! Please don't get me wrong, I'm not relegating the Holy Spirit to some perfunctory mathematical equation. However I wonder how many free gifts God has given us that we don't tap into because we don't know how to apply them to the situations in our life. That is where the Holy Spirit comes in. How horrible to find out that we had all the tools we needed in this lifetime and yet due to our ignorance we didn't.
So as I ring in the New Year this evening with my family I am grateful for all I have learned in 2013 ... even in those tearful moments. God was in ALL of it! As the promise of 2014 looms brightly, I resolve to draw closer to God and know the power available to me through the Holy Spirit. I have no other resolution than Matthew 6:33 "But seek first of all His Kingdom and righteousness, and then all these things will be added unto you." I know if I seek Him, He will be faithful to direct every area of my life. He has amazing plans for each of us as we stay open to His leading. I am excited to experience God and see Him in every detail of my life ... to the full, until it overflows because we serve an "above and beyond" kind of God! Happy New Year and God's richest blessings in 2014!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)